Moving On
by halcyondays22
Summary: Say Amy never told Karma how she felt. Say they make it to college and it all works out. Amy finds herself and comes to terms with who she is. Who says that you can only have one soulmate and that they have to be your lover as well?
1. Chapter 1

**Say Amy never told Karma how she felt. Say they make it to college and it all works out. Amy finds herself and comes to terms with who she is. Who says that you can only have one soulmate and that they have to be your lover as well?**

If there is one thing for certain, it's that I'm independent. I like to do things my way. Not to spite anyone and not just for the sake of being different. It's simply because I lack the interest.

I've never been a "follower" but I'm not a leader either. I could never be the type of person to set trends or help be a guide to set the right path. In the past there could have been an argument made that I was indeed a follower, but that so called following was only based on one person and following isn't even the correct term. Infatuated-now that I could agree with.

I always do what I want and it just so happened that most things I wanted to do, that person had initially suggested. It was like she knew what I was thinking before I could even speak. We connected as easily as a puzzle made for a two-year old. Everyone knew it too. Well, by everyone I mean the very few people who noticed us which consisted mostly of adults if you don't count our families.

She made my heart flutter in the simplest of ways. I never really thought too much into it. It didn't seem…out of the ordinary. Until it did. Until it seemed like it was everything. That's how life seems to happen though right? One moment something is just a constant in your life and the next you don't know what you would do without it. I think that's how I would describe the feeling of being in love if I were ever asked.

Even when I knew for sure what I was feeling,I never got around to telling her. It never felt like the right time and I never wanted to mess with the strength of our friendship. It's not that I thought that she would stop talking to me, but things would change and she would look at me differently and try in every way not to hurt me or send me the wrong message. As if I was as sensitive as a bubble. I'm not though. In the grand scheme of things, I'd say I''m pretty damn strong. Yes, hearing that she loves me but is not "in love" with me would definitely sting but I'd recover. In a way, I think that she would be the one who wouldn't. I think she would just start to question how much longer I could handle just being her friend. So in the end she would just be too cautious and would never fully act like the girl I had fallen for: Karma. Crazy-indecisive-spur-of-the-moment-irrational-thinking Karma. And if she didn't act like herself she couldn't fully be happy and that was the last thing that I wanted.

In order to dodge that bullet, I accepted my feelings and kept them to myself. We continued to be best friends and I did my best not to over-think anything she might have done that caused any of those heart flutters I had previously mentioned. That's how I know how strong I am because some of the things she's done…well imagine your crush sitting on your bed next to their boyfriend and your laid out on your stomach in front of them (oh the joys of being a third-wheel) watching some shit movie that you're pretending to be interested in when you feel their hand on the back of your upper-thigh right under your ass, just barely rubbing and they say "should you be wearing these? they're a little short don't ya think?" How would you react? I for one, had no fucking clue. For starters, I did not turn around to reveal the redness of my face. Instead, I kept my voice as even as possible and replied, "I do what I want," as if it didn't faze me at all.

So yeah, some times were harder than others but I do believe it worked out for the best. I'm not saying that everyone who has been through this type of situation should react the same way but what I am saying is that in my particular case, it worked out for the best.

Karma and I are now going to the same college as planned and I ended up telling her just before we left about how I feel about girls and boys in general and she didn't even flinch. She said how she always thought I'd at least try to date a girl. I asked her if she ever saw herself being with a girl, she said, "I've been attracted to girls but I'm positive I'll end up with a guy." That was the complete dead end sign for me. Even if we ever kissed or tried anything else, I would always want more than she was capable of giving. And that wasn't anyones fault. We're soul mates, no doubt about that, but we'll never be lovers, and somehow I have found that that is enough for me.


	2. Chapter 2

College is…exhausting. All work and no play makes Amy a dull girl. If you're like me then you're one of those students who refused help from their parent(s) and decided to pay for everything on your own. You think -oh it will be so fulfilling and I will feel so accomplished. Then reality hits and you work every night because you don't get paid enough, you've eaten ramen six nights this past week, you have a research paper due tomorrow that you've barely started, two exams, a homework assignment, and you think that's it except when you're finally making it to bed at 6 am and realize you also had an online quiz that was due at midnight. Eventually (after all the procrastination) you learn to adapt. Or at least you do your best to. You find a job that gives you more hours and better pay. You learn your limits as to the amount of time you need to study/ complete your assignments. Then you find the people who help keep your sanity. Everyone has their breaking point where they are ready to call it quits and just become a stripper. It happens once a month (at least for me it does) and it is important to have people to make sure that that does not happen.

In my personal case, I have Karma and my (step) sister Lauren. They know when it's time to either steer me towards the library or tear my books away and they know when to take my phone and reply to my boss that no I do not have time to pick up another shift. Basically, if it weren't for them, I'd be half-naked on a stage. And for that I am forever grateful.

Tonight is a perfect example:

I'm sitting on my bed at 8 pm, ten episodes into Dexter and am completely avoiding a paper that is due at midnight.

"Hey, Amy how's your paper?"

"Oh hey Lauren…it's already done," I say, completely avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah? So can I see it? I can edit it for you if you want." Lauren is giving me her investigative look and I can already hear the lecture.

"No, that's ok. I am feeling confident about this one." I start to shift my position to get out of my bed to make an escape.

"You feel confident? Just a few hours ago you were saying you had no idea what the professor was even asking."

I don't answer her instead I just grab my backpack and head towards the door.

"Going to the library?"

"Yes," I say rolling my eyes.

"That's what I thought."

Not the best example of me "doing what I want" but Lauren is intimidating ok?

We're in our second semester of freshman year and live on campus so it only takes a few minutes for me to walk to the library. Once I get there, it's completely packed. It has come to that week where every professor decides to either give an exam or have a paper be due so everyone is here. I lucked out and had two of my exams last week and my other exam is at the end of the week. So for now, I can solely focus on this paper. If I could just find a place to actually you know, sit and write the paper. Our library is set up basically as a common area with a bunch of tables and chairs. There are "quiet" areas but being around the buzz of students who are in the same boat as me is oddly comforting. I like to think that we are sharing the misery.

I finally see a table that isn't completely full. There's a few students at one end and the other just has one student who seems to have fallen asleep with their head on the desk. (College is exhausting)

So I take a seat across from the sleeping student figuring I'll probably finish before their eyes even open.

Once I get settled I take my laptop out and look at the assignment my professor has doomed me with. He's so vague. On a half sheet of paper he handed us, all it says is "Why sex?". It's for an evolution class. A class that has absolutely nothing to do with my major but is required for me to take. To be fair I'm sure many students are jumping at the chance to write about sex. I mean I guess it's not the worst thing to write about, but for three-pages? I could answer this question in one sentence. "Because I like it." Well, half a sentence I guess. But, I'm assuming that's not what my professor wants. Of course he wants some "sciencey" answer and I am just not capable of giving one. So I go to Google. The life-saver of every millennial student. I find some seemingly good references and answers and begin to type away.

I'm about two pages-in when I get messages from both Karma and Lauren checking up on me. I quickly let them know that I should be home in about an hour and get back to finishing up.

By the time I finish it is 10:30 pm and I am fairly impressed with myself. I am also impressed by my sleeping neighbor who still has not woken up. As I am gathering my things, I notice that there is a paper underneath their face. I get a little curious and try to see what the paper says. There is a due date up at the top and it says that it needs to be submitted online by midnight tonight. Well, I'm glad I'm not them. Look at me, getting things done at an appropriate time. I feel so accomplished.

I message Karma and Lauren that I am heading back and start to walk out of the library.

Then I'm thinking, that could easily be me. If I was that person, I'd hope someone would help me out. So I start to walk over to the table.

But wait, what if they already finished? What if they were finally getting some sleep and just didn't have the energy to get back to their dorm? (I've also been there)

Shit. Well, I guess I'll try to wake them up lightly and if they don't wake up easily then at least I tried.

So I continue to walk over. I start examining them a little better. It's definitely a girl, probably could beat me up, so again, I'll wake her up as nicely as possible. She has a hoodie on and literally has not moved since I came here two and a half hours ago. Her backpack is down near her ankles and is half opened.

I decide to try and lightly tap her on the shoulder. "Hey, excuse me?" She doesn't move but does kind of groan. So I try to move her a little. "Hey do you have a paper due soon?"

She immediately shoots up. "Huh? Wait, what time is it?!"

"Oh uh, it's uh 10:30," I say showing her the time on my cell phone.

"Shit shit shit shit," she says as she quickly reaches into her bag for her laptop.

"Yeah, I know that feeling. Well, I better get going. I told my roommates I was on my way back."

"Wait! What do you know about sex?"

"Uhm…I'm sorry?"

"Sex. Why sex? It's the topic of my paper. Such a vague question. Isn't the answer simple? How am I supposed to write three pages about this?"

"You're in Professor Harding's class?"

"Yes, I suppose that means that you are too? I've never seen you before," she says with a smile like all her problems have just been solved.

"Well, yeah I just finished writing my own paper. It's a pretty big class, and I sit in the middle so…"

"If it's any consolation, if I had seen you, I totally would have introduced myself. My name's Beth."

"I'm Amy," I say and that's pretty much all I can come up with. Suddenly I'm just frozen. Beth has an expecting look in her eyes and I do want to say something, anything, but the words just don't take form.

"Well, Amy, I have a proposition for you. And you're under no obligation to agree considering you just saved my academic life. But, would you mind helping me knock out this paper in…" she quickly checks the time, "an hour and twenty-seven minutes? Afterwards I promise to make it up to you in anyway you'd like. Though just a warning I am broke and not very smart so I don't have much to offer."

I look from Beth to my phone to the exit. I start weighing my options, rocking back and forth on my heels. If I go home I'll probably just continue to carry on watching Dexter or watch a movie with Lauren and Karma that we won't finish because we'll just end up talking/complaining about the amount of work we have coming up. OR I can stay and help this potentially new friend out. She seems nice and is very attractive. Also, what kind of help would I be if I woke her up just to have her not have enough time to finish the paper. I'm also wasting even more time by not giving her an answer.

"I guess I can stay. I'd hate to see you fail based on a time limit."

"Perfect! I owe ya big time," she says with a wink.

Oh, the familiar feel of those butterflies.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well? What are you waiting for? Sit down and help me out! Time is ticking, girl!"

"Right, I'm sorry. I have a habit of spacing out. So, do you have anything started?"

"Can you not tell from my desperation that I don't even know how to start?"

I take a seat next to her and look over her shoulder at the blank screen and sigh.

"Have I disappointed you already, Amy?"

"No, I've just always found starting off to be the hardest. The rest of the paper comes easy."

"So we just have to get started. Ughhh," Beth groans and puts her head on the table.

"Hey," I say playfully tapping her shoulder, "isn't that how got you in trouble in the first place?"

"Yeah yeah," she says with a smile, "I'm just so tired from practice and I've been up for three days. But you're right. Ok, let's get this done so I can actually get some real sleep in my bed and not on a hard surface."

"Sounds like a plan. So basically what I did was procrastinate as much as I could and then I turned to Google."

"Brilliant," Beth chuckles and places her hand on my thigh. As soon as it's there it's gone though.

Beth starts searching through Google and glancing over at me occasionally. As she starts typing away, I'm looking at her long black hair that she keeps running her hand through whenever she pauses. When she looks over at me and smiles I can see her green eyes and I blush and look away.

"How is this looking so far?" she asks looking at me expectantly.

She has over two-pages written already and it's been less than an hour. I don't see why she thinks she needs my help at all. Her paper is way better than mine turned out to be.

"Not very smart, huh? Didn't make you out to be a liar."

"Oh please. I'd never lie to you, Amy. It's not that good. Just a whole lot of bullshitting."

"Well it's better than what I wrote. I don't even see why you wanted me to stay because you definitely do not need my help."

"Are you saying you don't want to be here? I like your company, Amy even if you haven't said much. Anyways, I'm almost done."

She turns back to typing out her last few paragraphs. It's clear that Beth does not need my help and I could leave if I want to but she says she likes my company and that's enough to make me want to stay. I realize then that I never texted Karma or Lauren that I was going to be later than expected. I take out my phone and see the amount of calls and texts on the front screen.

"Done."

My focus is on my phone and I'm letting Lauren and Karma know that I am OK and that I just got caught up.

"Hello? Amy? Did you hear me? I actually finished on time with like ten minutes to spare, that has to be some kind of record."

Beth is smiling and grabbing my arm trying to pull my attention from my phone.

"Who are you texting? your boyfriend?"

I chuckle, "no, I don't have a boyfriend. It's my roommates their freaking out because I forgot to tell them I wasn't on my way anymore."

"Your friends have you on a short leash?"

"I do what I want," I say with a cheeky grin.

"Is that right? So what is it that you want to do now then?"

My mind wanders while I'm blatantly checking her out as if I hadn't already done so. As I said earlier, she could easily beat me up (although that's probably not very difficult) and I remember how she said she was tired from practice and I begin to wonder what it is she was practicing for. She looks so athletic.

"I want to walk you back to your dorm so you can finally get some sleep. I don't know how you're even functioning right now."

"Lots and lots of coffee and pep talks from my teammates. I am craving sleep right now though so I'll accept your offer. I'm just over in Legend Hall. I won't forget that I still owe you for waking me up though."

We get up from our seats and make our way out of the library. Legend Hall is actually the building next to mine so it's convenient enough for me since I'm starting to feel tired myself.

"So what team are you on?"

"I play lacrosse. It's an addiction really. Couldn't get me off the field if you tried."

"I'm sure I could find a way," I whisper to myself.

"What was that?"

I laugh to myself, "nothing, I just admire that really."

"You should come to one of my games sometime. It's the most beautiful sport in the world. I think you'd really enjoy it."

"I probably would."

We're outside her building now and stop by the door.

"Thank you for walking me back. Don't make yourself a stranger OK? I'll see you in class."

Then she's gone. I can't really pick up whether she was flirting with me or not. I've never been particularly good at picking up on vibes and girls are just so flirty in general even when they don't mean it. I walk over to my building and into the common area of my dorm.

"Amy, what the hell?" Lauren says jumping up from her seat on the couch. Karma is next to her giving me a disapproving look.

"I told you guys, I got caught up."

I start walking over to my room and Karma is instantly at my side. She's looking at me like she knows I'm hiding something.

"Why do you have that look?" she asks blocking the entrance of my room.

"What look?"

"That look that makes it seem like you've been blushing for hours."

"You should really get your eyes checked, Karma. I just ran into someone from class and they asked me for help it's no big deal."

"Oh come on. You cannot expect me to believe that."

"Yeah, you haven't always been the best liar, Amy," Lauren says over from the couch, "You know we're going to find out anyways so you might as well just save us some time and tell us yourself."

"There's nothing to tell! Nothing happened. It was literally just class work. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to bed."

Karma moves out of my way and I slip into my room and fall onto my bed.

It's the next day and I'm walking to class with Karma. It's Friday and so she's talking about some party that she wants me to go to tonight. I tell her that I have work right after class and she's pouting.

"You never go out anymore!"

"I know, it's not that I don't want to. It's just that I'm so exhausted by the time I get off."

"Come on, you'll be tired at first but once you're around everyone for a little while you'll wake up."

"Alright, look. If I get off at a decent time, I'll come out."

"Yes! I did it! I got Amy to agree to go out!"

"That's if I don't get stuck there!"

\

Right now I'm a delivery driver at a pizza place near campus and somehow whenever it's time for my shift to be over, we of course get crazy busy and I end up having to stay. But the money is good even if I have to put up with drunk college guys wanting to "trade their dick for pizza" and houses overwhelmed with the smell of weed. I can even put up with the married men who flirt with me while their kids are hanging onto their legs. I can't really bring myself to complain too much because it's really not that bad. Yeah I want more time to myself, but I do need the money.

After my class with Karma, I tell her I'll message her when I get off of work to see where she is. Then I make my way over to my next class. I sit in my usual seat and put my headphones on. I'm early as usual since I have a half hour break in between. I fold my arms out in front of me and rest my head. A few minutes later, I feel someone take out one of my earbuds.

"Hey do you have a paper due soon?"

I smile before looking up at Beth standing over me.

"Miss me?"

"Hey Beth. Feeling more awake today?"

"Yes, absolutely. I fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow."

Beth is wearing her work out gear and looks like she just got out of practice. I can't help but stare as she takes a seat next to me.

"So what are you doing here so early? Usually it's just me for a while," I say.

"Oh I got out of practice early and uh…I just thought…maybe….I figured I could try and be early for once."

I'm amused by this. Beth seems nervous and she's obviously not telling the complete truth.

"Yeah sure," I say, smiling to myself as I reach down to put my headphones into my bag.

When I turn back, Beth is extremely close and has this look of confidence on her face like she wasn't just fumbling her words.

I swallow hard and Beth leans in and wipes away a piece of lint off of my shirt.

"Are you going to come to my game tomorrow?"

I can feel my heart beating so fast and it takes all I have to be able to even form words.

"I uh didn't know you had one. What time is it at?"

"It's at 10 am," she says, "think you can wake up early enough to see me?"

She has to be flirting. She keeps turning the tables on me. Acting all nervous one minute then so confident the next.

"Well I am supposed to go out tonight after work but hopefully I can wake up."

"Hopefully? Do you want to see me play?" I nod my head. "And you do what you want right?" Again, I nod my head. "So then I'll see you there." She winks at me and then takes out her phone and asks for my number. I give it to her and I'm really hoping that she intends to use it for more than just to see her play.

"I'm going to text you so you have my number and I can actually talk to you outside of class."

The rest of the class starts to slowly take their seats and the professor soon follows and starts the lecture.

I'm completely distracted the whole time. I just want to learn more about this girl and figure out what she wants.

She keeps looking at me and smiling. I smile back and then look back to the few notes I've managed to jot down.

At the end of class we pack up our bags and walk outside.

I get a little further in front of Beth and she grabs my hand.

"Amy I umm, I want to get to know you better," she says and I can't help but notice how close we are. We're just about the same height so our eyes line up perfectly.

"So what's stopping you?" I ask.

"Nothing I guess I'm just not sure…"

I get closer to her and let my eyes drop to her lips and I smile slightly.

"You like me don't you?"

She looks completely speechless and her cheeks turn red.

I chuckle, "You so do!"

Beth hits me playfully on my arm. "Oh whatever," she mutters and then she pulls me close and kisses me so softly.

"Who's speechless now?"

My eyes flutter open and I'm just looking at her and I pull her back so I can kiss her again.

"I guess that means you like me too."


	4. Chapter 4

**Someone asked me what celebrity Beth looks like. I kind of based her looks off of an old teammate so it's kind of hard to relate her to a celebrity but I guess the closest would be Kelsey Chow except with green eyes of course.**

Beth is still holding my hand and is leaning against the wall outside of the classroom. She is just looking at me and I keep shifting the direction I'm looking because every time our eyes meet, I can feel the redness rising in my cheeks.

"So," she says.

"So…"

"So I don't tend to go out the night before a game. It's this whole superstitious thing. But, are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"Are you asking me out?"

"Are you saying yes?"

"Gosh, I mean, I'm already going to your game tomorrow aren't you going to get sick of me?" I start lightly swinging our arms back and forth and looking down (avoiding those green eyes).

She doesn't say anything for a minute and it forces me to look up. When I do, she's looking at the ground too and has this smile that sets off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach and I'm certain my hands are sweating. But then she looks up from under her eyelashes and I just completely melt.

"I don't see that happening anytime soon, Amy." Then she pushes off of the wall, kisses me on the cheek, and takes my other hand. "So, again I ask, are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"You?" Beth laughs and then I realize what I said. "Shit, I meant going out with you?"

"Mhm I'm sure that's exactly what you meant," she says with a smile and an eyebrow raised. "Anyways I was thinking I could maybe take you to my favorite spot in town."

If I was scared of blushing before, well, it's too late now.

"I'd really like that," I manage to say.

"Good, can I walk you back to your dorm? You know return the favor from last night?"

"Yeah," I say, "mine's actually right next to yours."

"I like the convenience factor of dating you," she says as we start walking.

"That's what I was thinking."

"Who knew I lived so close to such an adorably hot girl?"

"Lucky you."

"Is that confidence? You've barely looked at me since I made you blush. I make you nervous huh, Amy?"

"Psh…no not at all. Gorgeous intelligent girl flirting with me. Nope I'm cool as a cucumber."

"Well you better get used to it because soon enough I'll be doing a lot more than just making you blush. With your consent of course," she says with a wink.

I take a deep breath and try my best not to let my mind wander too far without much success.

We make it back to my building and I sigh. I really don't want to have to leave her and go to work.

"Now how am I supposed to just leave knowing you're so close?" she asks.

"If it helps, I will be at work most of the night and then I'm supposed to go to some party my roommate asked me to go to. So I won't really be all that close."

"That actually kind of makes it worse I think," she says with a pout.

She looks so cute and I can't help but lean in and kiss her. "If you want, I can bring you a pizza from work when I get a chance."

"Are you trying to fulfill one of my fantasies? Yes, please," she says with a smirk, "seriously though, how are you single? Gorgeous looks, incredible personality, and pizza? What more could a person want?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Story for another time I suppose. I should let you get to work. I'd hate for you to not have time to make me my pizza."

"I wish I didn't have work and I could just ask you to come inside."

"Dont tease me, Amy!"

"It's probably the one thing I'm good at doing though."

"And I'm competitive as hell so if you tease me I'll tease you right back ten times worse. Now, go inside and get ready. I'll see you when you bring me my pizza."

Beth kisses me goodbye and watches as I walk inside and head to my dorm.

I get to the door and just lean against it and slide down. There's no way I can walk right in. Karma and Lauren are probably inside and I need to collect myself so that I'm not getting interrogated while I'm getting ready for work. I can't stop smiling. I'm at that point where I can't even concentrate on anything else. I just keep seeing the image of her and those green eyes looking up at me through her eyelashes. My hearts racing and my cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling so much. I take a few minutes and then I get up to head into the room. I'm really pushing the time limit for me to get to work.

Karma is the only one who is in the room.

"Hey Amy. Headed to work?" she asks with her back turned while she's watching TV.

"Hey, yeah sadly I am."

"You're still coming tonight right?"

"Yes, as long as I get off early."

"I am so excited! Are you going to bring that girl?" she asks as she turns around with a huge smile on her face.

"Wait, what girl?"

"The girl you were just with outside."

How could Karma possibly know?

"By the confused look on your face, I'm guessing you didn't see me pass you when I walked inside. I told you I'd find out," she says with a smile.

"Yeah yeah. Her names Beth and no she's not coming tonight. She's on the lacrosse team and she has a game tomorrow morning. She doesn't like to go out the night before. Something about being superstitious."

"Awe well that's too bad. I cannot wait to tell Lauren that we were right and you did meet someone! Won't be too much of a shock though, we're always right."

I roll my eyes and start getting into my uniform for work. I can't exactly argue with Karma, they typically are always right.

I finish getting ready and I feel my phone go off.

Beth: Don't forget about my pizza. I look forward to seeing you in your uniform ;)

Me: I definitely won't. I'll actually have something to look forward to doing at work.

I grab my keys and head out the door.

"If you're not here by 11 I am calling your boss and telling her you quit," Karma calls out as the door is shutting.

It's a weird Friday night. There are too many drivers working and time is ticking by so slowly. I'm completely distracted by my thoughts and I slip up with a few pizzas which is out of the ordinary for me. Usually I don't mess up at all. One of my co-workers that I'm pretty close to points it out and mentions how I keep smiling to myself.

"Amy must have a big date or something tonight."

"Do not!" I say as if I'm scared to get caught.

"So defensive. That definitely means you do. We should let Amy go home," he says with a wink. He's trying to help me out and so I mouth a 'thank-you' to him. "Besides," he says, "once she goes home, that means I'm next to leave."

My manager looks over at me and then at the delivery monitor like she's trying to decide whether or not she should risk letting me leave.

"Ok, Amy take the last delivery on the screen and then you can go home."

"WIll do," I say and take the delivery.

I'm in shock because it's only nine o'clock and I very rarely get to go home early.

Before I leave work I make up a quick pizza and bring it with me. Then I text Beth to find out what room she's in.

I'm outside Beth's building working up the nerve to go inside.

I guess I'm out there for a while because I get a text from Beth

Beth: Are you holding my pizza hostage? I can see you standing out there. Come on up.

I look up and I can see Beth standing by her winding waving at me. I laugh at myself and then head inside up to the second floor and stopping at room 22. I gather some courage and then knock on the door.

Beth opens up and has a huge smile on her face. She looks so beautiful. She's just wearing an old lacrosse t-shirt and cotton shorts with her hair up in a messy bun.

"I've been waiting all night for this," she says then she takes the pizza and shuts the door.

I just kind of stand there a little thrown off and then Beth opens up the door again and she's giggling to herself. "I'm sorry I just wanted to see your reaction and it was definitely worth it."

"Can't say it hasn't happened before."

"What a fun job you have."

"It has it's perks," I say, "like I get to deliver to you."

"Speaking of which. As much as I'd like to…play out that fantasy of mine, I can't invite you in…you know…superstitious and all that."

"i can't wait for you to tell me the story behind that one."

"Oh trust me, it's not a good one."

"Ok well, can you at least come out here so I can kiss you?"

"So forward of you, Amy."

I smile and take Beth's hand and pull her out of her room and my hands go to her waist as I lean her against the door, my lips just inches from hers. She looks a little caught off guard and I can feel her hand trembling as she moves it to my cheek.

"Do I make you nervous too?"

She doesn't say anything she just smiles and shakes her head while she's looking at my lips.

I shorten the distance between us even more and I kiss her.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry if you think that Beth and Amy are moving too fast. I just have way too much fun letting them tease each other. Ask my girlfriend, I pretty much just sit here giggling to myself while I'm writing. Yeah, she thinks I'm crazy. Anyways, I don't really plan on them moving fast in a physical way. It's more like them daring each other to try because they're both too nervous to be the one to start. It's not going to be a smut-filled story, just maybe touches of it in the future.**

This kiss lasts much longer than the ones before. It's soft and gentle, slow and purposeful. My mind is at complete ease without any specific thoughts, just the general one of wanting to continue what we're doing. Moments pass by and I feel Beth's lips start to curve into a smile. I let out a small chuckle and allow my eyes to flicker up to where I haven't been letting them go. Once they're there, I can't look away. Thats the reason I have been avoiding it. Her eyes are just so captivating. Never-ending pools of green with little dark specks surrounded by long lashes. I find myself wondering what they've seen or what they see when they look at me.

Beth's smile grows wider and it snaps me out of my trance. One of her hands runs through my hair and sends chills down my spine.

"Thank you for bringing me pizza, Amy."

"Oh it's no big deal. I was headed this way anyway."

"Hm, right you have a party to go to don't you?"

"Shit! Yes, what time is it?!"

Beth laughs a little, clearly amused by me.

"It's only 9:30. Relax, you haven't been here that long. Though I am taking note of how unaware of time you are. I love how jumpy it makes you. For someone who claims to 'do what you want' you sure do have a time schedule."

"But I do do what I want!" I whine.

Again, Beth just laughs. "I believe you," she says tilting her head and looking at me like she's studying me.

I feel my phone go off in my pocket and I choose to ignore it. Just a small reassurance to myself that I do do what I want. Call it childish but hey, it's the single thing that has helped me get to where I am today, so I'm not quick to abandon it. If it ain't broke…

"I told Karma I would go if I was off by 10 so I'm early."

"Happy you could pencil me in then," she says with sass and a grin, "and though I'd love to continue talking…my pizza…"

I laugh a bit louder than I mean to but it just slips out.

"Oh come on don't judge. I'm not a fan of cold pizza. Never have been, never will be."

"Ok, ok ditch me for the pizza that _I_ made you. It's cool. I should go get ready anyway."

"Don't go too crazy. Remember, 10 am."

"Yeah, we'll see," I say and turn to walk away. Then I mentally slap myself and turn back around. Beth is still standing there.

"That was supposed to sound not so awful and show you that I do do what I want."

Beth chuckles, "I'll see you tomorrow, Amy." Then she walks back into her dorm.

I walk back to my dorm and lecture myself along the way on how to think before I open my mouth.

"Honey, I'm home," I say as I walk inside, "Or would it be honeys? Is that even a word?"

"I guess it can be if you want it to be," Lauren replies, "but more importantly, does my make up look ok?"

"How about my outfit, Amy?" Karma adds.

"Do I look like a judge for a beauty pageant?"

"Yes," they say simultaneously.

I roll my eyes. "You both look great. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Now can we get going please?"

"You're not even ready yet and don't think I'm letting you go out in your uniform," Lauren says.

"Wouldn't think of it. You think I like smelling like pizza all day? Besides don't you know me? I can be ready in like ten minutes. I'm not too concerned with how I look."

"I'm sure if that girl was coming you would be," Karma says wiggling her eyebrows.

"Girl? What girl?" Lauren asks demanding some answers.

"Oh right! I forgot to tell you! The reason Amy was late the other night was cause she has a new girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend we're just going out on a date. I barely know her."

Lauren slaps me on my shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was nothing to tell! We literally just met. Plus you know that I like to keep things to myself."

"And you know that I…I mean we, always find out anyways."

"Well, whatever you know now so let's just move on."

I move over to my closet and pick out a white crop top, a pair of light blue jeans, and a pair of flip flops. Simplicity is key. I apply a little eye make up and announce that I'm ready.

Lauren is standing behind me with a timer set on her phone. "7 minutes and 28 seconds. How?"

"Simple, I don't care."

Karma comes out of the bathroom and looks over at me. "Woah. Who said that you can look better than the ones who spent close to an hour getting ready?"

"Better?" Lauren says in a sassy tone, "speak for yourself."

"We all look great, ok? Can we go now?" I plead trying to get them out the door.

"Yes, fine," Lauren says taking the lead out the door.

We walk a little ways to some off campus housing and can hear the music from down the street. Karma and Lauren are getting excited and start pulling me to walk faster. When we get inside, Lauren walks off to get us some drinks and Karma starts looking around to see if she sees anyone familiar. She grabs my arm and brings me over to some people and introduces us. They're already drunk so it's pretty entertaining. It's like everything Karma or I say is the most incredible thing they have ever heard.

A few minutes later Lauren comes over with our drinks and soon enough Karma's friends are making her feel just as important. Which is exactly what Lauren loves. All this attention, I can see why she goes out so much and barely drinks. She gets all the perks and no terrible hangover the next day.

I hear a girl's voice behind us who is trying to get Lauren's attention.

"Hey Lauren, where's that girl you wanted me to meet? What was her name again, A-" she asks.

Lauren's eyes widen and she quickly turns around. "Oh never mind I don't think it's a good idea."

"Are you sure? You were pretty excited. You got me excited…"

"I know. I'm so sorry, Rory."

I get curious and turn around.

"Wow, Lauren, well that's ok I think my luck might be changing. Hi my names Rory, and you are?" she says as she reaches for my hand.

I chuckle, "Hi, I'm -"

"She was just leaving," Lauren interrupts and takes my hand and drags me outside.

"What the hell was that, Lauren?"

"Trust me, Amy. I'm helping you out."

"How is that? Enlighten me please considering it seems like you were trying to set me up with her."

"That was when I thought you weren't seeing anyone and you seem like you really like this Beth girl so I think you should just figure that out first because I know you'll like Rory, everyone does but that's the problem, everyone does."

"Well, great. Now what am I supposed to do?"

"You're going to go back to the dorm because she's going to want to talk to you and I just told her you were leaving. Go dream of Beth."

"Awesome, so first I get dragged out to a party. Then I actually start to enjoy myself and now I have to leave because my sister meddled into my life?"

"In a word: yes. Next time don't dress so hot and this won't happen."

"Oh please," I say rolling my eyes.

I look over to the house and I see Karma with Rory. Oh Karma…

"Amy, where are you going you just got here" she calls out.

"Yeah come on back inside it'll be fun," Rory says.

Lauren shakes her head at me.

"I'm just not feeling so good, Karma I'm sorry."

"Oh ok, do you want me to come with you? We can watch movies or something until you feel better?"

"Thanks, Karma but that's ok you've been waiting all week for this party."

"Well, I am going back inside," Lauren says and then whispers to me, "I am so sorry. Text me when you get back. Just please trust me on this one?"

"Yeah ok," I say and start to walk back.

I get about halfway down the street and I feel someone come up next to me.

"You know, I'm not the predator Lauren probably makes me out to be."

I look over and see Rory next to me.

"I'm sure you're not. Lauren is just super protective and she knows I just met someone else so…"

"Oh, right. Well, I guess just take it as a compliment that I'm extremely attracted to you."

"Thank you," I say.

"That's it? No, you're not so bad yourself, Rory?" she says with a smile.

"I uh I just…you're cute I just don't want to send any mixed signals."

"Like I said I'm not a predator, Amy. I'm not going to try and sleep with you but I do enjoy compliments. Is that so bad?"

She's making me incredibly nervous. We finally make it to my building and I feel a little relieved.

"Well, you seem eager to go," she says sounding a little disappointed.

"I just really like this other girl I'm seeing."

"What's her name? Maybe I know her?"

"Beth."

"Does she play lacrosse?"

"Yes."

"Oh…"

"So you do know her?"

"Yeah, I should probably get going. She's great though, you'll be happy with her."

"Ok…well it was nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you too, Amy. I'm sorry we couldn't meet sooner."

I watch her leave and then I head inside confused as ever.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm trying to stay on a schedule with updating this but finals are coming and work has been keeping me late (as usual) so it may take a few more days than normal for each update**.

I didn't sleep very well last night. My mind kept waking me up. Why was everyone acting so odd last night? The fact that I don't want to be late to Beth's game also kept me on edge. I was wide-awake at 7 am…that's not ok. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't function until at least 9:30 am. My first semester I attempted 8 am classes…yeah thats not happening ever again.

I am past the point of laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. Karma and Lauren are still passed out and I assume they will continue to be that way for a while so I don't have anyone to complain to. I have so much time to spare that I decide to get some breakfast at the bagel shop on campus. I hop off of my bed and quietly pull on some shorts and a t-shirt. I tip-toe across the room so that I don't disturb my sleeping friends and head towards the bagel shop.

It's Wednesday so most people are at a different spot on campus for coffee in attempts to get over that mid-week slump. In other words, the bagel shop is almost empty. I order an everything bagel with cream cheese and scan the shop for a place to sit. At one of the tables I see Rory sitting with some girl and she had been looking at me but she quickly returned her gaze to the girl when she realized I noticed her. I shrugged it off and took a seat facing the opposite direction a couple tables down. The guy working the counter brings me over my bagel.

"I don't mean to be…I mean it's none of my business but I just thought you should know that those two girls over there keep looking at you and gossiping. And I also thought you should know that one of them is Rory Price," he says.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"She just comes in here a lot and I guess I've just never seen her attention go unreturned."

"Well now you have," I say.

He looked at me like he was going to say something else but decided against it and went back to work.

Why has meeting Rory made things so bizarre?

I pick up my phone to check the time - 7:30. For once I wish I did have an 8 am class just to pass the time.

As I eat my bagel I'm thinking about how sketchy Lauren and Rory were last night. Karma seemed to be the only one acting normal. Clearly Lauren's intentions were to set me up with Rory and then that makes Rory's intentions obvious. So that brings it back to Lauren. I know I told her I was seeing someone but had I mentioned her name? I did tell Karma so maybe she told Lauren. And Rory seemed just about ready to…do whatever it is that she's apparently known to do until I mentioned Beth's name. Which leads me to think that they have some history. If I was to speculate…Rory probably, for lack of a better word, fucked up. So maybe she is trying to make it up to Beth indirectly by just staying away.

"You know, I come here every morning and I have not seen you once."

Ok maybe I take my last thought back since Rory decides to take a seat in front of me.

"That's because I'm never up this early. I don't have class until noon today."

"Not a morning person?" she asked practically grinning at me.

Ugh how are some people just so awake?

"No," I say, "I'm sorry but is there something you want? You seemed pretty intent on getting away from me last night. Particularly when I mentioned Beth so what, did you two recently break up or something?"

Rory let out a small laugh and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Is that what she told you?"

"Well no, just a guess," I say truthfully.

"Based on what?" she asks, cocking an eyebrow.

"Mostly your reaction last night and how Lauren said that everyone likes you…"

"So your immediate reaction is that I cheated on her then? Because if that's the case, you couldn't be more wrong."

I expect her to clarify but she doesn't. Instead she looks over my head and has the biggest smile on her face. "Oh this should be fun," she says.

"Amy? What are you doing sitting with Rory?"

I feel like I've been caught. Doing what, I'm not so sure.

"I uh…eating a bagel?" Rory is giggling, amused by my reaction.

I turn and look at Beth who just looks confused and I'm glad I'm not the only one. Then she takes a seat next to Rory and kisses her on the cheek and I feel my mouth drop open slightly.

Rory (still with that amused look on her face) rests her chin on the palm of her hand and smiles at me. "Go on Amy, finish your theory."

Beth turns to me. "What theory?" she asks.

My mouth keeps opening and closing like i'm going to say something-trust me, no words are going to come out.

Rory fills the silence, "Just how you and I recently broke up and that I cheated on you."

Now both of them are laughing.

"Amy, sweetie, where did you get that idea?"

"It was just a guess!"

"Based on what?"

I let out an "ugh" sound and drop my head into my folded arms in front of me.

"You're adorable," Rory says.

"Isn't she?" Beth adds.

"Just explain to me what's going on then," I say, my voice muffled by my arms.

Beth gets up and moves in next to me and puts her arm around me. "Rory is my best friend," she says.

"And sometimes (though very rarely) we have the same taste, which complicates things and that's why I left so abruptly last night," Rory explains.

"Oh," Beth says, "you two met last night?"

I nod my head.

"I assume Amy is the girl Lauren was supposed to set you up with then, Rory?"

"Wait!" I say raising my head, completely thrown by the mention of Lauren. "you both know Lauren?"

"Well yeah, we all have a class together and we hang out sometimes. She's mentioned you a lot, always says you're at work and can't come out. Though when I met you, it hadn't even crossed my mind that you were THE Amy," Beth says.

"THE Amy, huh? I guess my reputation proceeds me then."

"As does mine, apparently." Rory chuckles.

"So when Lauren says that everyone likes you…"

Rory shifts in her seat and scratches her head, "I'm told I'm easy to get along with and I can be…persuasive if I want to be."

"In other words," Beth says, "people don't normally say no to her."

I feel Beth pull me closer and she starts running her fingers along my arm. I look into her eyes and she's just looking back at me with a hint of a smile. I suddenly miss kissing her and I can't help but look at her lips and how they are slightly parted.

"Uhm hello? Still here by the way."

Beth moves her arm from my shoulder to my knee and shifts her gaze to Rory. "It's not my fault Amy is so attracted to me."

"Lucky you. All I got was a 'you're cute but…' everyone knows when there's a 'but' it's a dead end."

"Amy, you think Rory is cute?"

I kind of haven't been paying much attention to what's been said. I've just been staring at Beth's hand on my knee and only notice she was talking to me when her hand squeezes lightly.

"I'm sorry what?" I ask snapping out of it.

"You think Rory is cute?"

"Well…yeah…is that weird?"

"No, of course not. I can admit that my best friend is hot."

Rory folds her arms in front of her and leans back, satisfied with herself. "Well, this is interesting."

Beth rolls her eyes, "don't get any ideas, Rory. You know your persuasion doesn't work on me."

Rory holds her hands up, "my mind is pure. All I said was that it's interesting. Anyways, don't you have somewhere to be?"

Beth looks down at her watch, it's 8:30. "Oh crap! I have to go to warm ups," then she puts her hands on my cheeks and kisses me a little longer than someone who is rushing probably should. "I'll see you after the game, Amy," and she runs out the door.

"Yeah bye to you too!" Rory calls out.

I put my hand on my lips already missing the way Beth's feel against them.

"Geesh, she's got you good doesn't she?"

I laugh a little, "I may be a bit smitten," I say.

"Oh please, that's an understatement if I've ever heard one."

Rory and I spend the next hour together and she was right when she said that she is easy to get along with. She makes me feel like the most important person in the room, like I have her undivided attention and she wants to learn everything about me. I notice though that she shares very little about herself and I make a mental note to try and figure out why that is.

In attempts to not be late for the game, I decide to head over to the field so Rory and I get up from our table and walk out of the bagel shop.

"Are you going to come with?" I ask Rory.

"I want to but I have a class to get to. Not all of us are so lucky with late classes," she says playfully nudging me with her shoulder.

"Don't be jealous," I say and nudge her back.

"Well, it has been quite a theme in my life lately. Anyways, my class is in the opposite direction so I'll see you around."

Rory walks off and I try not to think too much into what she said about jealousy.

 **Let me know if you like the way this is going. Sometimes I surprise myself with how much I change my original plans.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok I finally found some time. My first update as a college graduate awe I'm so grown up**

It doesn't take long to get to the field and I take a seat in the stands. There aren't many people here besides the players and it's probably because of how early I am. My eyes immediately find Beth. She sees me too and jogs over.

"You really have no perception of time, do you?" she's says as she gets closer to me.

"I just didn't want to be late. I tend to be at least five minutes late."

"So instead, you come half an hour early?"

I nod my head and smile.

"You're adorable," she says, "but I should get back. I'll come over after we win."

She jogs to her teammates and I can see a few of them look over at me and start to tease Beth. She seems to say something back in a joking manner and pushes off of one of her teammates who stumbles a bit. They immediately get back into focus though and begin the final part of their warm ups. They're in two lines in front of the goal. Beth is first in the line closest to me and she takes off as the defender goes in the opposite direction. Beth gets one step in front of her defender, drops her stick lower and propels the ball to the upper left corner of the net.

On instinct I jump up, "Yeah!"

Everyone stares over at me and I quickly sit back down. Beth is smiling over at me as she rests her free hand (the one not holding the stick) on her hip and is breathing heavily while she gets back in line.

I feel the people a few seats over from me still staring.

"What? Is there some kind of rule that I'm only allowed to cheer during the actual game?"

The game starts soon after my embarrassing moment and I have to agree with Beth that it's the most beautiful sport I've ever seen. As ruthless as it seems to be there is still so much grace that goes into the momentum of the game. When I watch Beth sprint down the field it's like she was meant to be doing it her whole life. She makes it look so easy.

Our team ends up winning 8-6 with Beth having 3 of the points and after the team has their meeting in the locker room, she comes running over to me looking as happy as ever. Once she gets to me she squeezes me into a hug.

"We won!" she says.

"I know you did such an amazing job! You're definitely made to be out there," I say.

"Sorry about the sweat," she says using her hand to wipe what she has transferred to me.

I laugh, "It's ok, I'm already sweating from the heat so nothing new really."

"Ok, well since we won, now when we go out tonight we'll have something to celebrate."

She takes my hands and has a wide smile on her face and I smile back wanting to keep her smiling for as long as possible.

"Where is it that we are going?"

"Well I could tell you but what's the fun in that?"

"Ughh I'm not used to being on the receiving end of surprises," I say because usually I'm the one to throw the birthday parties or give the gifts that I manage to keep secret or to reveal the secrets in general.

"Surprises make things better, Amy! I promise I won't disappoint," she says and kisses me.

"You haven't so far," I say breaking the kiss.

"Guess I'm not the only who is good with persuasion," Rory says from the bottom of the bleachers, "sorry I missed the game but I see you won, congrats!"

"Thanks, Rory. How was class?"

"Oh you know…boring."

"Oh please, you love anatomy."

Rory glares at Beth, "Yeah well, I prefer to study the human body in other ways," she replies with a wink at both of us.

Beth rolls her eyes, "you don't have to dumb yourself down in front of me. I always see you with your nose in your textbook with an interested look on your face."

"Whatever. Anyways you two are going on a date tonight? That's cute," she says with a seemingly forced smile.

I feel very uncomfortable at the moment. Like I'm in the middle of something I wasn't invited to.

Beth let's go of my hands and starts making her way down the bleachers.

"I think I'm going to head over to class," I say, "don't want to be late."

"You said your class was at noon," Rory says.

"She has a terrible perception of time," Beth laughs.

"I enjoy the time to myself before everyone else gets there and I feel like you two want to talk anyway. I'd hate to be a burden."

Beth looks confused and Rory just looks the other way.

"You know, I'll just join you, Amy I have class soon too," Rory says.

"If you say so," I reply as I get off the bleachers and kiss Beth good bye.

"Well I guess we can talk later than, Rory?" Beth asks.

"Yeah sure, go wash off with your teammates and I'll text you after class."

So Rory and I begin walking away from the field to the english building. She hasn't said anything in a few minutes.

"Do you really have a class now?" I ask.

"If you hadn't met Beth, would you have gone on a date with me?" Rory asks looking over at me as my eyes widen.

"Wow well…that's…unexpected," I say as Rory takes my arm to stop me and then moves me to the side of the nearest building.

"Come on, Amy. It's not a shocking question considering how we met. It's not unreasonable for me to be curious."

She's looking at me and her eyes don't seem to be steady at all, they're constantly shifting, looking for answers. I don't really know how to respond.

"I know that I have a reputation and I come across a certain way at first but I did go out last night expecting something different. Lauren was attempting to help me to…find someone that wasn't just for fun, you know? I feel like, if I was given a chance I could prove that."

"So…you're asking me to go on a date with you?" I ask.

"Yes. I know it's messy and Beth is my best friend and I planned on asking her first…I just didn't want to ask if I didn't know what your answer would be. I'm incredibly impatient and maybe a little jealous."

"You're jealous of Beth for dating me?"

"I wouldn't put it that way exactly…it's complicated."

"Well obviously I have some time for you to explain since I am way too early for class."

Rory chuckles softly, "Ok well I guess I am jealous of couples in general. I've never really 'dated' anyone before."

"Oh come on," I say.

"I'm serious nobody thinks that it's what I want. They claim that I'll break their heart and they decide not to pursue me any further. They think that they are protecting themselves from me."

"Well that's just rude."

"I don't think I'm all that persuasive. It's a terrible reputation in my opinion because it's like people use it as an excuse," she says leaning against the building.

I find myself understanding Rory's perspective.

"So I just want a chance. I want to see how someone would see me if it was more than just a hook up."

"Rory…I think you should have asked Beth first…"

Rory puts her hand on my cheek and moves closer and I feel my body heat up and I try to look anywhere else.

"Just think about it, Amy. You and Beth aren't official and we met a day apart. What if we're missing out on something that could potentially be great? Don't think of this as me trying to steal from Beth, ok? That's hardly fair considering I didn't know who she was interested in until you said her name. I was, however, interested in you as soon as I saw you. I thought I made that perfectly clear."

"You definitely did."

"Well, then as long as I talk to Beth, I don't see how this is such an issue. It's just a date."

Rory moves a little closer, calculating her movements and fogging my brain as she does so. She's still searching my eyes and I know that I can't stay here.

"I….Lauren!" I shout as I see my sister walking towards the entrance to the building.

Rory lets go of me and turns toward Lauren who starts making her way over to us.

"What're you two up to?" she asks, her question more directed at me.

"I was just asking Amy to go on a date with me," Rory says like there should be no concern about it.

"Why would you do that? You know she's seeing Beth."

"You picked me to date Amy. Not Beth. So why would you have any objections? I was apparently worthy enough to date your sister and you could have chosen Beth over me but you didn't. So you got me all excited and just because she met Amy one day before me, now I have no shot at all? How is that fair? Beth goes on dates all the time."

I'm somewhat frozen in place and it's like I'm truly seeing Rory for the first time. I haven't really allowed myself to before because I've been paying so much attention to Beth. Rory looks somewhat similar to Beth just not as athletic. She has long dark hair and hazel eyes and is probably the same height as Beth. They're probably mistaken for sisters all the time.

She is also easy to get along with from our short time together, I just don't know much about her. What I find myself thinking is, isn't that what I would look for in someone I wanted to date?

"Rory…I know but do you really want to get caught in some weird love triangle with your best friend?" Lauren replies.

"First of all, let's slow down there with all that 'love' stuff. Second, Beth knows how excited I was. Yeah she didn't know it was Amy, but our meeting was planned before theirs was supposed to."

"Maybe this is something that you should be talking to Beth about first. It's not really fair to pressure Amy like this. So Amy and I are going to go to class now, why don't you go talk to Beth?"

Rory sighs, "alright, just think about it ok, Amy? I promise I won't disappoint."

I nod my head and let Lauren lead me to class.


	8. Chapter 8

**So as devastated as I am about Faking It ending, I plan on continuing my stories as long as people keep reading and want me to write more.**

 **Anyways, this is pretty short with a lot of dialogue because well, Rory is being super problematic and I wanted to explain it and dialogue seemed the best way to do that. Also if I kept going with this chapter it would've just gotten way too lengthy for my taste.**

"Amy!" Lauren scolds as soon as we get into the building, "why couldn't you just listen to me?"

"I didn't do anything! She kept coming up to me! I've been minding my own business!"

"Well you're not seriously considering going on a date with her are you?"

I pause for longer than I should and Lauren's eyes start shooting daggers at me.

"Amy!"

"What? Why wouldn't I date her?"

"You have got to be kidding. You are kidding right? Do you really think it's a good idea to get in the middle of two best friends? How would you like it if this involved you and Karma?"

"Well Karma doesn't like girls."

"Maybe but she does like boys and the last time I checked, you do too. Besides you are completely missing the point! Amy, they have history."

That stops me in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

Lauren lets out a deep breath like she doesn't want to tell me.

"It's complicated."

"That excuse is so overused just tell me, Lauren."

"Well, back when Rory and Beth were still trying to figure out whether they were into girls, they experimented with each other. They obviously do and-"

"You don't say," I interrupt.

Lauren just glares at me. "And for a while they continued to experiment and somewhere along the line it became…more serious for Rory than it was for Beth. Eventually Beth went on a date with another girl and Rory couldn't really interject because they had told each other it was just for fun. So that kept happening. Beth would have a date and Rory would just stand by. Eventually I guess Rory couldn't take it anymore and found other people who wanted her attention."

"Rory told me she's never really dated anyone before."

"Nope because she's still hung up on Beth. I figured that out (as I always do) and decided to help her find someone that she could potentially date."

"Me."

"Well….yes and no. I don't think she's right for you but at the time I didn't see the harm in letting you two try it out. But, now that Beth is involved…absolutely not."

I take a moment to absorb everything that Lauren just told me. It sounds almost exactly like what I didn't want to happen with Karma.

"Yikes," is all I can really put into words though. I never told Lauren how I felt about Karma. Neither of them think I'm good at keeping secrets but here I am, keeping secrets.

"I know right?" Lauren says, "I couldn't imagine how that would feel. Can you?"

I stammer a bit, "….no, must be strange to have to watch Beth be with different people."

Lauren gives me a strange look that I can't place. I don't like when she's looking at me and….thinking. She's too good at figuring things out and it's making me squirm. "Hmm…you know, I always wondered, did you ever have a crush on Karma?"

"Ha. Haha…nooo. Don't be ridiculous, Lauren. I mean come on. Karma and I? Me and Karma? I couldn't possibly…she doesn't even like girls."

"I wouldn't be so quick to say that, Amy."

"Wait what?"

"Oh nothing it's just that Karma points out girls she finds attractive all the time to me that's all. I feel like people just love to confide in me about their girl-loving like I'm some kind of guru."

Doesn't seem out of the ordinary- I think to myself. Karma always said that she finds girls attractive.

"Maybe they're curious about you. You're not very open about your love life and they're just digging around to see what you like."

"Ah yes. But why would I just blatantly tell them? What's the fun in that? Then they lose interest. Besides, it's none of their fucking business."

"Wow ok, settle down. I know. I should know better."

"Yes you should. Sexuality is fluid. I'll like whoever I damn well please."

"Ok drama queen let's get to class before you start going off about society."

Lauren rolls her eyes but follows me to class regardless.

When class ends, Lauren and I start walking back to our dorm. As we are walking I get a text from Beth-

Beth: Hey, thanks for coming to my game today.

I can feel Lauren practically leaning on me to read who the message is from. "It's Beth if you must know. I should answer her right?"

"What do you mean? Yes of course answer her."

"I wasn't sure because what if she hasn't talked to Rory yet and ugh this is just drama that I didn't sign up for."

"Love to say I told you so."

"First of all, it's 'hate to say I told you so'"

"Yeah but then I'd be lying."

I roll my eyes, "second of all, what if she hasn't talked to Rory yet?"

"Just answer her and I'm sure you'll find out," Lauren says.

Me: Of course! You were amazing out there

Beth: Aw shucks, don't make me blush.

Me: I bet you're really cute when you blush

"Awweee look at Amy flirting," Lauren says as she is looking over my shoulder, yet again.

"Do you mind?! I'll let you know if I need your help, stop snooping."

Lauren chuckles but keeps her distance.

Beth: why don't you turn around and find out?

We just made it back to our building and I turn to see Beth standing in front of hers.

"I'll let you two talk. I'm just inside if you need me," Lauren says.

I nod my head and walk over to Beth.

"So…" she says.

"So?"

"Am I really cute when I blush?"

"Very," I say and kiss her cheek. "Have you talked to Rory?"

"I have."

"And…"

"And? And what? You should already know my answer."

I don't know exactly what she is referring to or how much Rory told Beth so I just continue looking at her.

"Seriously? I told her absolutely not. I don't want her to date you; I want to be the only one you're dating…is that not what you want? I know you said you find her attractive I just thought you were more interested in me..."

Her face softens from anger to hurt.

"I am more interested in you," I say, "but I think there's some underlying…past that you and Rory need to work out first."

"Past? What do you mean?"

I avoid eye contact and reply, "it's not really my place to say…I think Rory has some things she hasn't told you and I think it's best if I don't get involved."

Beth looks very confused and hurt and all I want to do is hold her but I would just rather her and Rory figure things out first.

Rory's eyebrows furrow, "you're worrying me. I don't know what she could possibly say to me that is making you so distant."

I run my fingers through my hair. I wish I could just tell her but I know that I shouldn't be the one to do so. Especially considering my situation with Karma. I didn't tell her so why now should I get involved when Rory had the same mindset as me? Yeah maybe it didn't work as well but just because telling Beth would benefit me, doesn't mean it would benefit Rory.

"I don't think that Rory really wants to date me, I think she's….just trying to get your attention. So just go talk with her, ok? I promise I'm not distancing myself because I don't want to be with you. It's because I do want to be with you."

Beth gives a shy smile, "well, she's certainly got my attention. I'll talk to you later then, Amy," she says and starts walking in the opposite direction as I watch her leave hoping that this talk she'll have with Rory doesn't change anything between us.


	9. Chapter 9

**So I decided to play with different perspectives to see how it would turn out and it ended up being somewhat of a spin on the whole "karmy" relationship and a bit different than the other chapters but I hope you guys like it :)**

Rory

This situation is so messy. How did it even get to this point? All I wanted was to move on. That's it. Simple. I finally made the decision. All I needed was some follow through. I thought it was working out. Lauren was setting me up with someone who I was supposed to date. "Just try it out", she said. "It'll be easier than you think," she said. Well now here we are and I gotta say this is _so_ not what I had in mind. Or maybe it is. Maybe it is exactly how I thought this would end up. Maybe not this exact path but somehow I knew it wasn't going to work out. It's been three years and how Beth hasn't caught on… I have no idea. Maybe I am as persuasive as they come. I sell a very convincing story at least. I had Amy thinking that nobody wants to actually date me. Of course they do. Do I want to date them? No. I've known who I wanted since I was 15 and no one has really compared. Amy comes close though, I must say. But, really, who wouldn't consider dating Amy? There's nothing to even consider actually. It's a yes or yes situation. Before I even saw her I was excited (Lauren had a very detailed description like she had memorized Amy's dating profile) (which, knowing Lauren, she probably had. She'd hate to be unprepared). Then I saw her and…wow. To say I was interested would be a huge understatement. But now, I really don't see us ever dating. I think I ruined that. Scratch that. I never stood a chance. Maybe I tempt Amy, but I think it is clear who she wants. Can't say I blame her. I don't even know what I was thinking even putting the option out there. What kind of friend does that make me? Not a very good one. Then add in the fact that the "friend" I'm doing this to is a girl that I've been in love with for years. Three agonizingly painful years. How could she ever have feelings for me knowing that I was willing to try and "steal" from her though?

This is the whole problem. Beth makes me do crazy things. Crazy, dumb, stupid, irrational, fucked up- you name it, I've probably done it. I wasn't always this way. Sometimes, I just wish I could go back to when this all started and have myself find a different way to recognize why I wanted to be friends with that girl that always wore that tight leather jacket or why I wanted to run my fingers through the hair of the girl who sat in front of me in math class. But that's not reality. Reality is that I played along with Beth. We've been friends since elementary school and I guess you can say she was the leader between us. I always listened to her. I did whatever she said. She always seemed right so there never seemed a reason not to listen. Well sophomore year comes around and next thing I know I'm sitting on Beth's floor and she tells me to kiss her. Of course, at the time, I thought she was joking. We always joked about that kind of thing. We'd talk about the different female celebrities who we had "girl crushes" on and what girls we would consider making out with from our classes. We never claimed why or gave explanations and I just chalked it up to being a normal thing that all girls did with their friends. More importantly though, we never talked about each other. "Just kiss me," she said, "we always talk about what it would be like to kiss another girl so…why don't we just find out?" Logical. It seemed so logical at the time. The only way to figure out what you like is to test the waters right? So I did. It wasn't anything fantastic at first. We didn't know what we were doing. Time went on though and well…we eventually knew what we were doing. We knew what each other liked. It became somewhat of a routine (the only rewarding and non-tedious routine I've ever had). It was an every night thing for a few months. I would go over to her place and she'd shut the door and lock it as soon as I stepped in and she'd connect her lips to mine instantly like she couldn't get enough. I pushed the limits of my curfew every night. The only reason I'd leave (at the very last minute possible) was so that I wouldn't get punished and I could go back the next night. I'd go home and lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, my fingers tracing my lips, and thinking about doing it all again the following night. At first, it wasn't a big deal. It was just a constant in my life. But then, it was like it was everything. She was everything. That's how I knew I was in love. Once that became clear to me, I figured I should probably talk to her about it. That's the thing though, we NEVER talked about it. In school it was just like normal times. Beth even continued to point out girls she was interested in. It got to the point where it was starting to sting. I'd look at the girls she was interested in and compare them to myself. They were nothing like me. I figured- maybe she does like me though, I'm the one she's hooking up with every night. What I hadn't considered at the time was that yeah she was hooking up with me but who else knew that? Nevertheless, one night I decided that when I got to her house I'd bring it up. I never did make it to her house though. Instead I got a call from her. "I hope you don't mind but I'm going to have to cancel tonight," she said. I felt a little let down but it was only one night and who am I to stop her from having other plans? But then I asked her why and she said, "I actually have a date! Isn't this great? Now we just have to find someone for you and we can see if we really for sure like girls." That didn't just sting, it might as well have sent me to the hospital. If I was who I am now and had any sort of a back bone, I would've told her how crazy she was to think that there was any doubt that either of us liked girls. She started all of this after all. It was her idea.

It was all downhill from there. There were still nights when Beth didn't have a date and she'd invite me over and I would continue to go because even though I wasn't the only one she wanted, I was still someone that she wanted. It made more sense at the time. But I eventually got tired of being a second choice and by some miracle I was able to resist going to her house. Instead, I made my way to that girl with that tight leather jacket and my fingers did end up tangled in that girl from math class' hair. There were a number of girls and boys throughout high school and then college but none of them left me staring up at my ceiling in a daze with my fingers tracing my lips. I never let them even close enough to have a chance. I probably broke some hearts but I never promised them anything and I was never rude, if anything I was very generous (if I do say so myself).

When we met Lauren, she was always giving me this weird look, like she was trying to read my mind, like I was the subject of some big investigation she was working on. It really creeped me out. I still prefer her to not look at me like she's figuring me out. Makes me super uncomfortable. I chose to confront her about it and invited her out for coffee, just the two of us.

"This is not a date, just so you know," she said.

"Oh believe me, I wouldn't think of it. You're not my type anyway."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I let out a chuckle, "you're sending me mixed signals, babe. Why does it concern you if you're not even interested in girls?"

"Who said I wasn't?"

"Well are you?" I asked, completely caught off guard.

She didn't say anything for a moment she was just kind of staring off into space. "So why are we here? What did you want to talk about?"

I figured I'd let her distract me. If she didn't want to talk about it, she didn't have to, I respected that.

"I guess I just wanted to hang out with you separately. You know, away from Beth."

"Right," she said, "any specific reason for that?" She was looking at me again in that way. I felt like I was in the middle of a therapy session. Somehow though I didn't feel as uncomfortable. In hind-sight, it's probably due to Beth's absence. She makes me a little tense these days.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, from my perspective, you seem…I don't know...different without Beth here."

And then without warning, I ended up telling her everything. It was like it just all rushed out of me. It was probably one of the most relieving afternoons of my life. I had never talked to anyone else about my feelings for Beth. It all came out so fast and honest that my hands were shaking and I couldn't sit still.

Lauren and I became very close after that and that had been in the middle of our first semester. From then on I always heard about Amy. How gorgeous, smart, sarcastic, funny, and shy she was and how she was so lazy and such an underachiever. She'd complain about how Amy was always working and couldn't come out.

I'd always tease Lauren about how she talked so highly of Amy it was like she had a crush on her. In return she'd say, "you're just hoping that I'm into girls so that you have a chance. Not gonna happen."

"Oh you're breaking my heart," I'd say clutching my chest.

At this point though, if this downward spiral continues, I feel like I might lose Lauren as a friend too. She really didn't look happy with me when I was trying to ask Amy out. I don't blame her. I just keep messing up left and right. I'm really just grasping at straws now. If I can't have Beth, I just want someone. I wasn't trying to seem like I was stealing from Beth as if to say "if I can't have you, no one can". It was just that Amy was the closest I could get to being in a relationship. I'm emotionally exhausted. I want to be able to move on. Lauren wants me to talk to Rory about it but when I say I want to move on it does not include getting closure. I want the perks of moving on without the pain of knowing for sure that Beth doesn't have feelings for me as deep as the ones that I have for her. If she did, I'm 99% positive it would've come up by now. What would be stopping her?

After I left Amy and Lauren I walked over to the bagel shop and texted Beth to meet me. Now I'm sitting waiting for her to get here and my heart is racing with anticipation. What am I supposed to say to her? I feel like it's been too long to even bring it up. Three years is a long time to hold in such a big secret.

I see her walk in and the butterflies that were shacking up in my stomach start going crazy.

She has a concerned look on her face as she takes a seat.

"Whats going on," she asks, "you've been acting weird lately."

I start shaking my leg and run my fingers through my hair. I might as well just rip off the band-aid. So I open my mouth and I'm about to confess, except instead, my voice rebels and I say, "is it ok if I ask Amy out on a date?"

She looked at me, eyebrows raised as if I just suggested the craziest thing she'd ever heard. She let out a small laugh, "you're joking right? You have to be. I know we have similar taste sometimes but I mean come on, isn't there an unspoken rule about whoever dates them first…"

I really stepped in it this time. She looks really…upset? Mad? Both? Both. Definitely both. "Well yeah, it's just that I've never really dated anyone and I mean Lauren had already been setting me up with her…"

"Well yeah I know that but I didn't actively seek her out. I mean we're going out because we met and we chose to see each other again. Not because of some set up and it's not like you haven't had opportunities to date anyone. You just choose to sleep with everyone and leave."

Ouch. "Ok…"

Beth let out a sigh, "I'm sorry that wasn't supposed to come out so harshly."

"Yeah well it did. I should just get going," I said, getting out of my seat.

"Come on, Rory. What if the situation was reversed?"

"The situation wouldn't be reversed. I don't date anyone." I leave her with that and walk out the door.

 **Basically, Rory and Amy are super similar, Beth is just as clueless as Karma was, and Lauren is just so fun to mess around with when writing because her character on the show could've been so much more and I am so bitter.**


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry it has been so long…I was gone for a while and when I got back it was very hard to get back into writing hence taking two months to do it. This was by far the hardest chapter to get through with this story so I apologize if it's confusing or off track or just lacking. I promise it'll get better just bare with me. Review and let me know what you think

Lauren

How did I end up in the middle of this love triangle? I attempted to avoid it from the very beginning. I knew Rory had feelings for Beth. It was so clear and obvious I figured it was a known thing but of course not that would be way too simple. I stayed out of it though. Of course I always kept an eye on the two of them just to see how things played out because even though I didn't want to be a part of it, I was still curious. But then Rory decided to open up to me. Just another example of people telling me about their lady loving. I'll never understand it. Anyways once she opened up to me, I was really rooting for her. I wanted her to get her happy ending but I also didn't want to get involved. I already had my hands full with Amy. Whether she liked it or not I was determined to get Amy out there. To get her dating because I was tired of watching her do nothing but work and watch Netflix. Then I made the mistake of talking about Amy constantly with Rory and Beth. To be fair it didn't seem like a mistake at the time. She's my sister how could I not talk about her? It quickly occurred to me that they might be interested in Amy. I figured it would ideally be Rory because then it would be killing two birds with one stone: Amy could have gotten experience and Rory could have had a healthy relationship. How was I supposed to know that Amy would meet Beth first?

I'm laying on the couch looking up at the ceiling waiting for Amy to text me or come through the doorway (whichever comes first) while simultaneously hoping that all the drama could just come to an end. I hear someone shuffling around and then I see Karma walk up and lift my legs so that she can sit and then lays my feet back down on her lap.

"You look tense," she says, pointing out the absolute obvious. I shouldn't even be tense. This shouldn't even involve me and yet…I feel like it's my fault. Unintentionally of course, but still.

"That's because I am," I reply.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I consider saying yes but then Amy walks through the door. "Maybe later," I whisper to Karma and then I turn my attention to Amy, "so is everything ok?"

"Well she's on her way to talk to Rory so I guess it depends on how well that goes," Amy says letting out a sigh.

"I'm sorry Amy I really am but it will all work out the way it is supposed to."

"Yeah I know I just don't want to be the one left hanging out to dry again," she says leaning against the door, "but I have to get going anyway people need me to bring them their pizza. It's a beautiful day to save stomachs."

My face scrunches a little at Amy's attempted reference. She really does watch too much Netflix.

"What was that about?" Karma asks.

"Amy is having a…tough time with Rory and Beth."

"Oh…is that why you're so tense? You're always so worried about her. For as long as I've known her, Amy can handle mostly anything and she will be ok. You don't have to try and make things better for her. I know you care about her enough to try and Amy knows that too so there's no need to constantly prove it you know? Let yourself relax and maybe try setting yourself up with someone and not worry who Amy should date."

I roll my eyes, "you of all people know I have no interest to date right now."

Karma rolls her eyes right back, "Ok Lauren whatever you say."

I could so argue with Karma right now but I lack the energy for it, which is very out of character for me, but I have my reasons. I know how well she knows me and I don't wish to be interrogated down to the point where she figures things out. Instead I take a lesson straight from Elsa (we all know the reference, I don't need to say it.)

After a few minutes of silence Karma turns on the TV and I decide to text Rory to see how things went with Beth.

Beth

Allow me to make some things very clear. I am only interested in Amy. I couldn't possibly say I'm in love or we're going to be together forever but at the very least I can most definitely say I am not ok with anyone trying to date her at the same time as I am, not even my best friend. Scratch that, especially not my best friend. Does no one else see how horribly wrong that could go? I cannot lose both of them at the same time. It would ruin me. I've never told anyone this before but back in high school Rory and I used to hook up. Not once in a while and not when we were drunk, it was constant and we were always very much sober. The thing is, it was all my idea and I came up with this "brilliant" idea because basically I'm a terrible person. You see, I already knew I liked girls. I was 100% positive. The problem was that I had no experience with a girl and therefore I had no confidence to approach one that I was crushing on. So that's where Rory came in. It wasn't really supposed to be anything more than one night of innocently making out I knew Rory would agree to it because she often (always) agrees with me but I honestly had no idea that she would like it that much. Yeah we talked about girls that we thought were attractive but she usually just agreed with me and that's different than if she had been the one pointing them out. But then things got more intense and though I didn't read much into it I should have. Instead I used the confidence I had gained to go on dates and I left Rory hanging and I see that now more clearly than ever and I was completely blind. But Rory started seeing other girls and so I figured she had moved on and she was happy so it all worked out for the best. Maybe deep down I already knew she had feelings for me but I ignored them because it scared me. I couldn't date Rory. She's my best friend. I just don't…. feel that way for her. It was always hot with her but hot was just not enough for me. And now that she just about confessed her feelings for me…I might lose her anyway.

I need to talk to someone and it has to be some third party who has nothing to do with the situation but still has some clue. In that case it can't be Amy, it can't be Rory, and it can't be Lauren because well she wanted Rory to date Amy in the first place so really the only person left is...

"Karma!" I shout running to catch up to her as I see her coming out of her building.

She turns with a confused look on her face. , "Uhm hi," she says hesitantly.

"What's up?" I ask when I get close enough to where I don't have to yell.

"Just heading to get some food," she says looking at me skeptically.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Yea sure if you want to."

"Cool," I say and we continue to walk in the direction of the little food court in the middle of campus.

"You must have something to talk to me about. It's not like we have ever even had a conversation before."

"So what I can't try to befriend the best friend of a girl that I am seeing?"

Karma raises her eyebrows as if to prove she knows better.

"Ok maybe not…I was hoping to get your opinion on some things I have going on and since you are not as biased in the situation I thought it might be helpful."

"What do you mean unbiased? Amy is my best friend."

"Well maybe not so much about Amy but about Rory."

"Oh…well go on I am pretty curious about everything since nobody has told me anything besides the fact that it's 'tough' between the three of you…whatever that means."

Funny, I would've used the word uncomfortable.

"This 'tough' situation is the formation of a love triangle, a very uncomfortable one. Rory and I both want to date Amy but I believe Rory only wants to date Amy in order to get over her feelings for me."

I then proceeded to tell Karma all about what happened in high school while we ordered our food and grabbed a table to continue our conversation.

"Yikes. First of all, this is all very unfair to Amy and is probably too much for her to handle considering she hasn't really dated anyone before and now she has two people who want to date her who have a past with each other. Secondly, I don't think you need me to tell you that you're in the wrong here. I think you know that already. And I don't mean about Amy. I'm talking about Rory. It seems as though you two should've had his conversation a long time ago. You shouldn't string her along. Even though she hasn't blatantly told you about her feelings, you've always known," she says looking at me sympathetically and then says almost inaudibly, "just like me."

I ignore it though because I know it wasn't for me to hear, she was just talking to herself.

"So basically I'm shit and I need to fix this with Rory and leave Amy out of it."

"Yes and I mean after all it is Amy's choice who she decides to date but it's pretty clear who she wants, at least to me it is. So go ahead and find Rory, figure out your situation and then when everything is all calmed down, talk to Amy."

I nod my head and watch as Karma gets up from her chair and tells me she has some homework to get to.


	11. Chapter 11

**So Hurricane Matthew gave me quite a bit of time to write. With no power there was really nothing to do yesterday except write. It was pretty cool to write it all out in my notebook by candle light. Anyways I hope you enjoy. Oh also, just a reminder that back in high school, nothing happened between Karma and Amy here. Review and let me know what you think :)**

Rory

As soon as I left from the talk with Beth I could feel my eyes filling up with tears. I think I have held this in way longer than I should have. Ok, I know I have. Especially since I am tearing up in public. That's just not something I would normally let happen. I don't cry often but when I do it is in the safety of my own bedroom. This situation is just completely fucked. First off, I should have expressed my feelings for Rory back when it all started (though to be fair I thought I was expressing them quite clearly just not with words). Secondly, Amy shouldn't even be a part of this. How is that fair to her? Now I ruined my chance with her and now I have no one. Not even Lauren to just be able to talk to. Even so, I should go and apologize for everything which I will do once I can get myself together. So I continue my way back to my dorm and once I am there I make my way into my bathroom and lock the door just in case one of my roommates decides to come in. I lean on the sink and stare into the mirror watching my reflection slowly letting breaths in and out to calm myself down. I splash some water onto my face and then sink to the ground pressing my back against the bath tub. I probably look like a complete mess right now so I'm glad I came here and didn't immediately go to apologize to Amy and Lauren. I feel my phone go off in my pocket and it's a message from Beth:

Beth: I think we need to talk more…there's definitely been things that both of us have left unsaid to each other

What did she mean by that? I don't think I could have been more obvious without just saying 'I've been in love with you for three years' so she has to know what I've kept from her but what has she kept from me? Maybe she feels the same way? No that can't be it. So what has she been hiding?

Me: I think that was enough for one day. From the way I left, you already know what I would say.

Beth: Maybe so but that's not something you just say and walk away. That's not fair.

Me: Fair? Lol you must be joking

Beth: Ugh Rory can you just meet with me so we can clear things up? Just come down to the bleachers by the field

Of course that's the spot she picks- her comfort zone. I don't text her back but I do decide to meet with her. I stand up and take another glance in the mirror to make sure I don't look like a complete wreck. I may be mad at Beth, but I'm never going to not look good in front of her. Could you blame me?

As I'm walking I can't form a coherent thought. Do you ever get like that? Where you're just so nervous or have too many things going on to the point where all that's popping up in your head are random words that have no link to each other whatsoever? I finally make it to the bleachers and I can see Beth sitting and staring down at the field. I've seen her like this many times and it was always just before a game. That makes me even more nervous than I already was. What is she thinking?

"You know, it's rude to stare without announcing your presence," she says. I walk the remainder of the space between us and lean against the railing that is next to the row that she is sitting in.

"Well, I'm here. Can we just get this over with? Yes, I enjoyed what we did in high school a smidge more than I let on and I should have talked to you about it sooner. Now go on, your turn just say what I already know."

Beth doesn't take her eyes off the field, she's still staring straight ahead, "I knew."

"Excuse me? I don't think I heard you correctly."

Beth turns and faces me and drops the "all-business" look, "oh come on Rory. Give me some credit. I know you now just like I knew you then and I could tell exactly when your feelings got to be more than you could handle. You loved me."

I attempt to take a step back but with the railing behind me, there's no actual movement, "so you knew the whole time?"

"Well I,"

"You knew the whole time and you didn't say anything? You just kept…using me? So what? You had no feelings for me at all?"

"Rory that's not fair."

"Fair?! There you go with that word again. No what's not fair is the fact that you _knew_ I had deeper feelings for you but yet you continued to hook up with me. You made me think I had a chance even though you were getting with other girls, stringing me along."

"I was selfish and I took advantage of you. But then you know, you kind of stood up for yourself and you stopped giving into me. I was an idiot and I wasn't thinking of how it would affect you but then you were getting with other people so I didn't really think it was an issue anymore. Maybe you still had feelings for me but you were handling them so I didn't feel the need to jeopardize our friendship."

"I don't think you're fully understanding the impact you've had on me. I have never had a functional relationship. I've been waiting around for you. But you know thank you for clearing things up for me because obviously it wasn't worth waiting. And you know what's worse? The only other person I've wanted to be with? You took her away from me too."

"Rory…you're my best friend." Tearing up in public two times in one day? What a record. I turn away as a reflex. As much as I hate how much of a hold she has on me…I can't let her see me break down.

"Another thing that's not fair, is for you to make me feel bad for something that was never my fault. This isn't a game, Rory. You can't play with my feelings forever."

Without turning around I walk down the bleachers and pull out my cell phone.

Lauren

Rory never answered my text about Beth. I'm a bit worried for her, she's so vulnerable right now. I may be upset with her about asking Amy out but thinking from her perspective…she has her reasons and I can't say they're unrealistic, they're just messy.

I haven't moved from my spot on the couch watching TV where Karma left me to go get some food. I couldn't be bothered to walk. Plus I had some thinking to do.

"You're still watching TV?" Karma asks as she comes through the doorway.

"Don't judge me, Karma. That's the last thing I need."

"Geesh ok I'll just mind my own business," she says and takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch. I look at her with my eyebrows furrowed. She usually has no sense of personal space. "Why are you looking at me like that? What did I do now?"

"Nothing you just never let things go that easily."

Karma lets out a small laugh and returns her attention to the TV. I scoot forward and lay my legs across her lap and go back to watching TV. From the corner of my eyes I see her smirk.

At some point I dozed off but I wake to my phone going off and it's Rory saying that she is going to come over. She must have been right outside because not even a minute later she's walking through the door. So I guess knocking is a thing of the past.

She makes her way in front of me and sits down with her back against the couch. Why is everyone acting so out of character today? Normally she would have some sassy comment. Karma looks over at me probably wondering what to do.

"Do you…want to talk about it?" I ask.

"She knew the whole time, Lauren. She knew how I felt yet she continued to use me. It was different when I thought she didn't know. Then none of it was really her fault. Now…"

Well I was not expecting that.

"Now you know that she doesn't deserve you," Karma says, shocking me yet again, "I know I don't really know either of you but from a conversation I had earlier with Beth and the one I had with you the night of the party…she doesn't deserve you."

"You talked to Beth?" both Rory and I ask at the same time.

Karma nods her head, "she came up to me while I was getting food earlier. She told me everything."

Karma amazes me sometimes. Here I was thinking I was the real queen of figuring things out and she knew by association with me but clearly I was wrong.

"I don't think I have ever felt so heartbroken before. Even when I had to watch her be with other people, I always felt I had a chance. I was so stupid," Rory says as she pulls her knees to her chest.

"That doesn't make you stupid. She led you on. You can't blame yourself for everything, Rory," I say.

"Maybe but I just didn't think she would knowingly hurt me."

Karma lifts my legs and sits on the ground next to Rory, "I could tell you how 'everyone makes mistakes' or 'if she was really your best friend blah blah blah', but I know none of that is what you want to hear nor is it very helpful. So we can just sit here if you'd like and you can let all your anger and hurt out or Lauren and I can distract you. Your choice."

Some of Rory's normal self shines through then, "how would you distract me?" she asks with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

I playfully push Rory's shoulder, "Never gonna happen."

"Never gonna stop trying. It's in my nature," she replies.

Amy

During work I got a message from Beth saying, "I don't think it would be a good idea to go on that date tonight. Maybe we should just meet up to talk?"

I haven't answered her. I just see this all collapsing and so I'm avoiding it. I'm on my way home now. It's another early night for me. Once I get back to campus I park my car and head to my dorm. Im a little thrown off when I see Rory sitting with Karma and Lauren. As soon as she sees me, Rory stands up.

"I can go if you want," she says.

"That's ok. I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."

I make a beeline for my room, shut the door behind me, and fall onto my bed. Why is Rory even here? I know she is friends with Lauren but Lauren seemed very upset with her earlier. Not to mention, if Rory talked to Beth, I would think this would be the last place that she would want to be. If Beth shared feelings for Rory they would be together. If Beth didn't share feelings, she wouldn't have canceled our date and I don't think Rory would want to risk running into me by coming to my dorm. There has to be something else going on. I wish things could be more clear. I wish I understood my own feelings. I thought I was only interested in Beth but I never really gave Rory a chance. I'm tired of decisions being made for me lately. I want to make my own choice. Last time I checked, whoever I date is my choice and there's no harm in having options. I should be able to date and know what I'm getting myself into without having to deal with drama that started way before I even got involved. I can't make up my mind. It's constantly changing and I keep viewing the situation differently each time. I reach for my phone and decide to text Beth that I will meet up with her.

I hear a knock at my door and Rory pokes her head in, "hey," she says, "mind if I come in?"

I sit up and motion for her to come sit next to me.

We stay silent for a few moments until Rory turns and faces me. "So I screwed up. Big time. I know. You probably already have your mind made up about me and I can't say I blame you. I mean who goes after their best friend's girl right?"

I stay silent because she must have more to say.

"I can't say I'm perfect. I mess up a lot. Maybe more than average and I know there's really no excuse for that but I just want to be 100% honest with you. I think that's the best thing I can do."

She looks at me as if she expects me to say something but I just nod my head.

"Well something tells me you know that I've had a pretty big thing for Beth. Apparently it's obvious. But those feelings aren't reciprocated. I guess I've always known but there was always that slight chance. I do want you to know though that you're the only other person I have been serious about. I'm not sure where you are at. You're probably relieved that Beth isn't interested in me. You've made it clear that she's the one you want. But I've wanted you since Lauren first told me about you and I wanted to tell you that because I don't plan on repeating past mistakes. Instead I want things to be made perfectly clear and open. Maybe I need time to myself for a while to get over her but I'll be thinking about you."

I lean forward and kiss her. I wasn't expecting nor was I planning to do that but it felt right. When I open my eyes, hers are still closed.

"You're really sweet," I say.

"Don't do this to me again, Amy. You're really sweet but…"

I chuckle, "no buts, you just are. I never really gave you a chance and I think you deserve one whenever you're ready of course. Keeping up with the honesty though, I haven't talked to Beth yet. She canceled our date tonight and asked me to meet up with her to talk instead."

"Ok that's fair. Don't let me keep you," she says with a smile on her face. Then she gets up and walks towards the door.

"I look forward to getting to know you," she says and shuts the door behind her.


	12. Chapter 12

I do intend on updating faster I just keep getting distracted. Anyways leave a review and let me know what you think :)

 **Lauren**

"What are you thinking?" Karma asks me as I stare at Amy's closed door.

"I'm wondering how Amy is processing all of this. I feel like this is all my fault and what if she thinks so too?"

"Oh come on, Lauren. First of all, Amy is more than capable of making the best decision for herself. Also, just because you were trying to set Amy up with Rory doesn't mean you caused this. This is just a very unfortunate coincidence."

I let out a sigh and Karma moves closer to me and let's me lean on her. "I know you worry a lot about her but she is going to be absolutely fine," she says and runs her fingers through my hair while I continue to stare at Amy's door.

"Karma?" I say turning to face her.

"Yes?" she replies resting her head on her hand that had been in my hair a second ago.

"How do you feel about…"

"Hm what's going on in here?" Rory interrupts as she shuts the door to Amy's room.

"…about getting some ice cream soon?" I instinctively finish saying to Karma.

Karma rolls her eyes, "yeah sure," she says and scoots away from me.

I brush it off and turn to Rory.

"Ok…I think I overstayed my welcome so I'll just see myself out," Rory says.

"Oh you don't have to go. How was your talk with Amy?"

Rory has a childish grin on her face, "it went really well."

"That's it? That's all I get?"

"I think I've shared enough with you, Lauren. Once you start sharing with me, I'll be more specific," she says and then she winks at me and walks out of our dorm.

"Well that was weird," I say.

"Yeah," Karma replies and stands up.

"Where are you going?"

"Well apparently we're going to get ice cream right?"

"Oh uh…"

"You want to go talk to Amy."

"Is that ok? We'll get ice cream after I promise." I give her a pleading look. I know she's not happy with me right now, but I really want to check on Amy.

Karma purses her lips, "as long as you finish asking me what you were originally going to ask," she says and starts walking to her room.

"Ice cream was the plan the whole time."

"Ok Lauren, whatever you say."

Yeah…I'll worry about that later.

I get up from the couch and knock on Amy's door. When I open it she's standing in front of her closet staring blankly.

"What happened to not caring what you look like?"

"I don't. I'm just taking my time. Beth wants to meet up so that we can talk," Amy says.

"So you're making her wait?"

"That's the idea."

I take a seat on Amy's bed.

"Are you here to lecture me, Lauren?"

"No, not exactly. I guess I just want to know how you're processing this…I….maybe I just want to know who you're more interested in."

"I'm not really sure. They've both got my attention for different reasons. I keep changing my mind I mean I guess I don't know either of them well enough. I just want to be able to ignore the fact that they have a past together."

"I'm sorry, Amy."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Well…I feel like I,"

"This isn't your fault, Lauren."

"But I"

"Tried to help me? You did nothing wrong."

"I just want to be able to help you."

"Why is it so important to you for me to be in a relationship?"

I let that question sink in and I couldn't come up with a specific reason.

"I just want you to be happy. It's always seemed like you had something missing and you've never really talked about anybody specifically so I thought if I could help maybe you'd find someone."

"I hate to break it to you Lauren but I have been in relationships before."

"Not for very long and they never seemed all that special to you. It was never like you couldn't get enough of them."

"That's because I couldn't have who I really wanted."

"Wait what?"

"Nothing never mind I have to go."

All of a sudden, Amy is rushing. She's undressing and pulling on an outfit before I have a chance to form words.

"Amy, come on talk to me."

She's out the door without another word.

 **Amy**

Shit.

I quickly leave the room and walk quite literally right into Karma.

"Amy, what's the rush? Is Lauren still in there? We're supposed to go get ice cream…"

"I umm…yeah she's in there. I have to go."

Again I quickly leave and head to Beth's dorm. I pause outside of her door. I cannot let Lauren figure out my past feelings for Karma. It will ruin everything. I guess running away didn't really help the situation but maybe she'll let it go. Yeah like that would ever happen.

I take a deep breath to try and calm myself down and knock on the door.

"Oh hi Amy. You could've texted me to meet you somewhere," Beth says.

"I just figured this would be easier," I reply.

"Ok well come on in. You can take a seat on the couch I'll get us some water."

I'm feeling really nervous. What is Beth going to say to me? Feeling nervous is normal to feel around someone I like though right? I mean I've been nervous in my past relationships. On the other hand, I was never nervous around Karma. I think I'm still freaking out from my talk with Lauren.

Beth takes a seat next to me giving me enough space to turn and look at her.

"So Amy, I've been thinking and maybe I'm not good enough for you."

I'm shocked by this. "What makes you say that?"

"I've really messed up and I think I just lost my best friend. I should probably be by myself for a while and you know maybe being with Rory would be better for you."

"I don't understand. I thought you liked me."

Beth moves closer to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. "I do. I really do but so does Rory and she's my best friend and I really hurt her. I used her for so long and I've been so selfish. You deserve to be happy and I don't think being with me will make you happy."

Why does everyone think they decide whether I am happy or not?

"Well, this isn't really what I was expecting." I shift my position on the couch and start to move away from Beth.

"I'm sorry, Amy."

"I think I should just leave."

"Ok…I mean, if you want…we could be friends."

I let out a long sigh. "Yeah sure why not. But I'll see you in class I really should get going."

I leave her with that and decide to take a walk around campus.

I feel a little numb. It's like I'm in an in-between. There's too much going on tonight it's like a roller coaster. First came the kiss with Rory and that was just…wow. But she said that she needs time to herself and I respect that but who knows how long that will take. Then Lauren unknowingly brought up Karma so now I have to worry about her asking me about who this "mystery person" is. And now Beth says that she can't be with me. Which should make my choice between her and Rory easier but it doesn't. If anything it complicates it, because I don't want it to seem like I'm settling. Not even a little bit. I wanted time to get to know them both better so that I could completely feel what it would be like to be with them individually and not let there be even a sliver of doubt of who I am into. That was the plan anyway. But as I'm sure you know, plans never really work out how you want them to. I suppose it doesn't even matter anymore. Maybe Rory is the one for me, even Beth suggested it. Or maybe she's not. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

 **Lauren**

Why did Amy leave so quickly? Who was she talking about? Who did she really want and why didn't she ever tell me?

"Lauren? Are you ready to go?"

Karma is standing in Amy's doorway looking at me expectantly.

"Oh right yeah let's go."

I stand up off of Amy's bed and walk towards Karma.

"You ok? Amy seemed to be in a rush," Karma says with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah I'm ok just curious. She's definitely been hiding something."

Karma gives me a hint of a smile and takes my hand, "Well, let's go get that ice cream and put our heads together so we can figure out what she's hiding like we always do."

"We are the perfect team aren't we?"

She let's out a small laugh, "we are but Lauren? I swear if you keep stalling on buying me ice cream, I'm going to have a hissy fit."

"Who said I was buying?"

"Lauren!"

"Alright alright let's go," I say.

Once we get to the ice cream shop we get our orders and sit across from each other at the closest table. I notice some writing on Karma's cup so I turn it and see that it's a heart. I didn't get one on mine. I push the cup back towards Karma.

"Does that bother you, Lauren?"

"Nope. It's a childish thing to do." I turn towards the front counter and glare at the girl scooping ice cream for the next customer.

"Yeah childish," Karma replies and rolls her eyes.

"Anyways so about Amy."

"Right, what did she say or did you say that freaked her out?"

"Well we were talking about her past relationships and how I said she never seemed fully into whoever she was with and that she deserves someone who she couldn't get enough of. Then she said that it was because she couldn't have who she really wanted."

"Oh…well did she say who that person was?"

"No that's what we need to figure out."

"I may already know. I've never really been positive and I never brought it up to her because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable especially if I was wrong but…"

"Spit it out Karma."

"Just don't freak out ok?"

"Tell me."

"Ok I think it might have been me."

Me? Freak out? Nooo not at all. Amy liking Karma? After the countless times of me asking Amy about her feelings towards Karma and her denying. I mean she's not the best liar but I guess I've just let myself be blind to all the signs. What am I supposed to do now? How would Amy react if I told her the truth?

"Lauren it's going to be ok. I'm not even sure if I am right and even if I am, it hasn't felt like she feels that way anymore. Besides," Karma gets up and sits next to me and puts her hand on my knee, "I don't feel the same way."

"It's going to be ok? If she hasn't told me all this time, that means she doesn't feel like she can talk to me as openly as she should be able to. I know how you feel but I can't do this right now. I need to know for sure."

Karma let's out a sigh, "I know." She takes a pause. "Back in high school, I think I sent some mixed signals without meaning to. But once I realized, which is a more recent thing, I got more careful around her. In my mind she liked me somewhat out of convenience. I'm her best friend so she knew everything about me, we were together all the time, and she hadn't experienced being around a girl who could reciprocate those feelings for her. But once she did experience being with a girl like that, her feelings for me faded."

This is definitely a lot to take in. "How did I not notice?"

"I honestly think you did notice and I think that's why you're so hesitant."

I turn my attention back to my ice cream that is slowly melting. "I'm not hesitant. I'm just very…aware."

"Just remember that we still don't know for sure who Amy was talking about ok?"

"That's hard to do when you're the one who pointed it out and you know her better than anyone."

Karma let's out yet another sigh, "yeah I know. We'll figure it out."

We finish our ice cream in silence.


	13. Chapter 13

**I know I said I was going to update faster but this chapter...I think I re-wrote it in five different ways. Here's hoping the compilation makes sense. Let me know what you think :)**

 **Karma**

While Lauren and I were finishing our ice cream I came to the conclusion that I have to talk to Amy. We haven't really talked about things where it was just the two of us in a long time. This situation needs to be sorted out. I cannot have Lauren freaking out about it. I want to be able to openly talk about being with her rather than casually implying it and her just not denying. I want more. I want to hear her say that she likes me and not worry about her feeling bad about it. There's no way Amy still likes me. I've been so careful and she doesn't treat me like she used to in high school.

"I think I am going to text Amy," I say to Lauren as I open the door to our dorm, "I want to figure this out and put it behind us."

"No need to text me I'm right here," Amy says from the couch. She's lying face down on a pillow which isn't a good sign for obvious reasons. "What do you want to figure out and put behind you, Karma?" she asks.

"How about you and I take a walk? I feel that we have some catching up to do," I say.

Amy doesn't make any signs of movement, "how about I continue to lie in this position 'till the end of time and we can talk right here until then?"

I look at Lauren who is settling down next to Amy's head.

"Ok," Lauren says, "you know we're not going to let you lay here forever so you should just get up now."

"Two girls just told me that they can't be with me in the span of about a half hour. Don't I deserve at least an hour of self pity?"

Lauren looks back at me and motions me to her room. Once the door is shut she turns to me and says, "we cannot spring this… thing we have onto her right now. It's too much. It's not good timing."

"Is it ever good timing?"

"I suppose not but this is way different."

"Lauren," I begin, "how long have you had a crush on me?"

"Karma stop."

"At the very least it's been about a year, yeah?"

"Karma, I'm serious."

"So am I, Lauren. So let's say it's been a year, though I'd say longer, you're going to tell me there was no time to tell her? We haven't even talked about it. I need to talk about it. I'm trying to be patient and I feel like I have been but…" I pause and take a breath. I can see that Lauren isn't even looking at me. I hate pushing her. "I won't say anything to her tonight but I do need to ask her about her feelings for me." Lauren finally looks back up at me and I can see that she is noticeably relieved. "What is it going to take for you to talk to me though?"

"Find out what Amy is feeling first and then I'll let you know."

I nod my head. My first instinct before leaving the room is to kiss the top of her head but I honestly don't know how to be affectionate towards her without her freaking out. So instead I just walk out of the room.

Unsurprisingly, Amy is still in the same position that we left her in. I stand in front of her with my hands on my hips. "Let's go, Amy. I need to talk to my best friend."

"It's hardly been ten minutes. What happened to my hour of self pity?"

"You don't get one. Haven't you learned that holding things in only makes it worse?"

"On the contrary, I think sometimes it makes things go away."

"Well I'm not going anywhere so you can't ignore me."

Amy lifts her face off of the pillow, "what do you mean by that?"

"I mean if you don't willingly get up and go for a walk with me I am going to make you."

Amy gives me a half smile, "I expect nothing less." Normally this would be the part where a person would stand up and go for a walk with their best friend. Not that this isn't normal behavior, but this is Amy, so she does as Amy does and lays her face back onto the pillow.

I almost laugh and shake my head, "we're never going to get past this stubbornness are we?"

"Ding ding ding," Amy points at me and says, "that is correct!"

"Fine," I say.

From the past I have learned to not go near Amy's legs or her face or her arms so really all I have to work with is the middle. Since she's laying on her stomach I take a seat on her back.

"You know you're really just helping me not move right? It's not like you weigh a ton."

I then push myself so that I am between her and the back of the couch and I push my legs out so that Amy ends up on the floor.

"Metaphorically I didn't think I could get anymore hurt and now I feel that way physically too. Congratulations," Amy says half-heartedly.

"You're fine. Now let's go," I say holding my hand out so that I can help Amy stand up.

"Oh sure abuse me and then expect me to trust you to pull me up," Amy says jokingly but still takes my hand and I pull her up.

"Look at that you're alive. Now let's go."

"Ok but why can't we talk here?"

"The night air will do us some good I think."

"You're crazy," she says.

"Probably."

I lead Amy outside and we start walking toward the center of campus where the bridge is over the man-made pond.

I shove my hands in the pockets of my zip-up and look over at Amy, "so what has my best friend been up to lately?"

"Oh you know stealing hearts and then getting my own smashed in the process what about my best friend?"

"Probably about the same just less intense."

"Really? Whose hearts have you been stealing, ya thief?"

"Never mind that now we can talk about me later."

Amy rolls her eyes, "typical, only my business is ever priority to talk about with you and Lauren. You do know you have to tell me things too right?"

She's not wrong to say that, especially with how relevant it is right now. But I can't be open with Amy until Lauren is open with me so until then, that's a conversation best saved for later. "Fair enough. I've just been talking to someone for a long time and it's just hard to get them to open up."

"Who is it?"

I smile because I can't not smile when I think about her, "I can't really say without breaking their trust."

Amy squints her eyes at me like she can find the truth if she just looks hard enough. I guess she could if she did the same thing when Lauren was around. "Ok but you better tell me soon," she says.

I kick a pebble that's in my path. "Hopefully it won't be too much longer."

"So what did you really want to talk about on this walk, Karma? You and Lauren have some kind of plan in the works?"

"Things have changed a lot since high school haven't they?" I ask.

"I'd say so, yeah."

"For better or worse do you think?"

"Well…definitely not worse as in horrible. In some ways I'd say better and others about the same and the rest…different."

"What do you think is different?"

"I guess our friendship is different. Not bad, just different."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Ok Karma what's up? Why are you acting like my therapist? All questions no answers."

"You have a therapist?"

Amy glares at me, "no because you are acting exactly how I imagine they would and that would frustrate me just as much as you are about to," she laughs and playfully pushes at my shoulder, "so what's up?"

"I've just been thinking the same things about how things have gotten better and the same but with us it's different and I've just been paranoid over why that is."

We make it to the middle of the bridge and lean over the side. There's barely anyone around except a few scattered students heading to their dorms or the library.

"Sometimes things change between people and neither one of them is to blame."

Amy keeps her focus on the water beneath us and I'm searching her eyes to see if they hold true. I'm trying to figure out how to carefully bring up her feelings for me in high school.

"Well, I'll admit that I did change and some of it was on purpose," I say.

"What do you mean?"

I brace myself by grabbing onto the railing, "towards the end of high school I started to feel like…maybe you had feelings for me and that maybe I wasn't helping the situation."

If it were possible, it seemed like Amy became even more still. Like I released some palpable tension.

"I didn't want to ask you about it because if I was wrong…"

"You weren't wrong."

Now both of us remain still. It's an against-the-grain type of conversation for us. We've seemed to have unknowingly had an agreement not to talk about it but it's becoming clear that it is something that needed to be brought up for both of our sakes. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up.

"So why now?" she asks, "did what I say to Lauren bring this up?"

"Well yeah. I just figured we should talk about it."

"Considering you've known, we probably should have talked about it a long time ago."

"Better late than never," I shrug.

"You say you changed on purpose. Was it to be careful around me? To not confuse me?" I nod and Amy laughs, "you know that is what I figured you would do if I told you but I guess it didnt matter than because it had the same outcome. I guess that means the feelings weren't mutual."

I want to choose my words carefully but it doesn't really seem like Amy is all that hurt (well I should say that I don't think I added to the hurt she was already feeling because of Rory and Beth) and being careful hasn't really been working for me. "No but you're my best friend and I didn't want to lose you."

"You'll never lose me besides it's in the past, it's fine. I'm totally and completely over it. If anything, a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Not that I think about it all that much anymore but it's freeing to let go of secrets, you know?"

"I do," I reply, "so that means you don't have feelings for me anymore right?"

Amy smiles at me, "Nope just love ya for being my best friend."

I don't think I've smiled so big in my entire life. Hopefully now I will be able to get through to Lauren.

"So as long as we're talking about things," I say, "what's going on with Rory and Beth?"

Amy groans, "nope I do not want to talk about that right now. Can we save that for tomorrow?"

"I guess. Come on than, we can just go back to the dorm and maybe watch some movies to get your mind off of things."

"I think I'll stay here for a bit. You can go back though and I'll text you when I'm coming. Probably won't be too long, just want to be by myself."

"Ok," I say and walk back to the dorm excited to talk to Lauren.

 **Rory**

I'm back at my dorm and my mind is reeling. If I'm honest, it hasn't stopped since I left Amy's room. Amy kissed me. I think I actually have a good chance now. I mean she kissed me that has to be a good sign. I'd say it's better than 'you're cute but…'. I really don't want to mess this up. Hopefully by being by myself for a little while I can prove that I don't need Beth. I can manage on my own just fine without wishing that whoever I am with is her. I think things are finally taking a turn for the better. My luck is changing for real this time. It has to be.

And I cannot forget that there was also that weird moment right before I left between Lauren and Karma which is very interesting. Lauren never talks to me about her love life and I always figured there was something there between the two but I never got to confirm it. I want Lauren to feel just as comfortable to talk to me as I feel talking to her. I'm basically an open book to her. She pretty much knows everything about me except that little part I left out before I left their dorm. That hardly counts though. Maybe I should text her and see if she wants to meet up sometime soon and talk about it.

I go to pull out my phone and it's not in any of my pockets, which means that I probably left it back at their dorm. I was wondering why I wasn't getting any texts. Not that I was expecting any but usually I'll get an email or notification of some kind.

So I get up from my bed and head back to Amy's dorm.

 **Lauren**

"So she does like you?" I ask.

"First of all it is past tense. She 'liked' me. Second of all, now I guess we both have to talk to her about how we feel."

"Wait…no I don't want to do that. Isn't there a way to avoid that for just a little longer? Can't we just give her a hypothetical situation or something and see what she says?"

Karma takes a seat on the couch, "no, Lauren don't you think you would feel better if you talked about what's going on?"

I just start pacing back and forth. With all the pacing I do, I'm surprised I haven't worn a path in the floor boards. "This is not how things are supposed to be."

"Come sit next to me." I don't listen though I just keep pacing so she stands up in front of me. "Lauren relax, you're kind of spiraling out of control right now. Can we just sit down and talk this out for a minute?"

I agree and so we sit back on the couch.

"Ok so maybe we're not ready to go right to Amy about this."

"Thank you. I'm glad you're seeing things my way."

"Before we even think about how to approach Amy, I think we need to talk about it together."

"I'm pretty sure we just did. We're going to wait to talk to Amy."

"Oh come on, Lauren. You know what I mean."

"I'm not sure that I do."

"Right, so you know when I sit close to you or when I touch you and your breathing changes? Why is that?"

"That's…just because you catch me off guard."

"Just say it you'll feel better."

"You know, I don't really hear you saying anything either."

"Fair enough," she says and moves a little closer, "Lauren, I like you." My eyes grow wide and I'm frozen. I feel excited and scared, shocked and relieved. But I don't say anything. I can't. My face is stuck in a deer-in-the-headlights type of way. "so…"

"I uhm…this isn't really something I wanted to do because what if…"

Listen, of course Amy's opinion is important, we're not going to do anything until we talk with her and clear things up but, Lauren can we just be open and honest with each other? Can you just admit that you have feelings for me?"

I let out a deep breath and cover my eyes. If I can't see the scary thing happening, then the scary thing isn't scary right? "Ok I like you. I like you a lot. You're incredible and there's no one I'd rather spend my time with," I say.

I keep my hands over my eyes but I hear Karma moving closer to me and then she starts to take my hands off of my eyes, "was that so hard?" she asks with a smile. And there's just this moment, and she starts to lean in and…

"Hey Lauren did I leave my…"

"Dammit you just have wonderful timing don't you, Rory?" Karma says or maybe she shouts. Whose to say really?

"Someone's a little flustered, huh? I think I forgot my phone here so I was just coming to get it. Maybe it slipped between the couch cushions while you two were..."

I stand up, grab Rory's phone off of the end table and hand it to her, "we weren't doing anything."

At the corner of my eye I can see Karma rolling hers and leaning back on the couch.

"Oh come on. This isn't really news to me. Anyways, thank you and I'll just leave you two alone now. Seems like you were in the middle of something."

"Just a little," Karma says.

"Right well I'll see you two later."

"Wait," I say grabbing Rory's arm before she walks out the door, "maybe you could stay."

Rory looks blankly at me and then I'm assuming back to Karma to see her reaction.

"I'm pretty sure Karma wants me to go."

Karma stands up and walks over to us, "I just feel like you should be able to tell me how you feel on your own."

"Are you two…" Rory gestures between Karma and I as if to ask if we're together and neither of us say anything. "So you two haven't talked about this then?" again, silence. "Have either of you two ever kissed a girl or have feelings for one?"

"Yes," Karma says.

"What about you, Lauren?"

"That's none of your business."

"Oh come on, this is exactly what I'm talking about, Lauren. We have zero communication."

"Maybe it's not my business but it is Karma's. You should be able to talk to her and feel comfortable about it."

"She knows why I can't."

Karma let's out a sigh and shows me her phone, "speak of the devil, Amy is on her way back."

"Great maybe she can help you two out."

"No!" Karma and I shout simultaneously.

"Well alrighty then, you just keep on the same track you've been on for what seems like a while now. It's obviously working real well. And Lauren? When you feel like you can actually talk to me about things, you can text me. We don't always have to talk about me," Rory says and then she leaves.


	14. Chapter 14

**So it's been a while...**

 **Lauren**

Rory keeps bringing up how I can open up to her and now I'm thinking maybe I should take her up on that. It might help me.

"Lauren…" Karma says pulling me back from my thoughts.

"I know, I know. I'm making this hard. You don't deserve this. You deserve easy and uncomplicated. I just…this is a lot for me. I'm just not ready."

Karma let's out a deep sigh.

"You don't have to wait for me," I say

"Don't be ridiculous. I understand why you're hesitant. I know you, Lauren. It's me who's not being fair. I can't just expect you to be ready exactly when I am. I can wait I'm just…crazy about you and I want to be able to express that."

It's my turn to sigh. It's like my mind, my heart, and my body have completely separate minds. It's all mixed up.

I sit down on the couch and let my mind wander to when I started to look at Karma differently.

 **A little over a year ago**

I'm sitting on the couch watching TV slowly raising the volume to adjust to the the sounds of Amy and Karma laughing in the other room. Amy and I have gotten a lot closer over the past few years but Karma and I? Well, to be fair I haven't given her much of a chance. I always just assume that the bond I have with Amy ends when Karma comes over. There's no real reason behind why I don't talk much with her, I just think that she was there for Amy way before I came along so I figure I'll keep my distance.

I continue flipping through channels trying to find something that'll hold my attention. I give up after a while though and settled on the news. I wasn't really paying attention to it. I was watching but not really grasping anything that was being said.

Without any warning, Karma walked into the room and sat next to me like it was completely normal which, just to remind you, it wasn't. So naturally I was staring at Karma with a confused look on my face. After a moment she turns to look at me with a smile on her face. "So this is what you do on a Saturday night? You watch the news by yourself? I've always wondered what it is you do and now I know," she says giggling and then leaning into the back of the couch.

"This isn't 'what I do'," I say with a bit of annoyance. I know she knows that this isn't normal for me because I typically leave when she's here but I feel like I have to make it clear that I do have somewhat of a life. "What're you doing anyway? Where's Amy?"

"Oh she went to bed. She had a long day supposedly."

"So logically that means you come sit with me?"

"Well, no not exactly. I was going to leave but then I saw you."

"…Karma I can't even recall a full conversation we've ever had."

"Because you're never around. Look if you want me to go I can. I just…want to get to know you that's all. Amy talks a lot about you lately and I thought you might start hanging out with us but you haven't."

"I've just been busy."

Karma rolls her eyes,"yea I see that," she says nodding at the TV.

"You and Amy are really close and it just doesn't really seem like there is room for anyone else so I just keep my distance. Three's a crowd right?"

Karma puts her feet on the couch and turns to face me. "I have to disagree with you. I think I'd like having you around and I know Amy agrees."

I don't say anything, I just look at her.

She's smiling again.

—

It wasn't anything big. Nothing was obvious to me at the time. I just remember wondering why she was so interested in getting to know me and why I wanted her to get to know me. From then on I would find excuses to be around her. Obviously Amy never caught on she was probably just happy that we were getting along.

From this it doesn't seem like anything to be freaking out about. I guess it's hard for me to explain. I just constantly feel like I need to be near her and I feel so comforted in her presence. She knows how to handle me.

After that night I don't want to go overboard and say things heated up because that's not accurate. It's more like it brought along a series of events that started to very slowly (as in the pace of a snail attached to a ball and chain) clear the fog that was wrapped around the question mark that was my sexuality. When Amy wasn't around and it was just her and I, we'd have moments that felt so intense when nothing was happening. I started to consider that it might be because I found her attractive. If she "accidentally" touched me or sat too close my breathing would change and I'd immediately turn red. She'd notice and giggle to herself. Or if I was having a particularly sassy day (which was pretty often) she'd make a point of being just as sassy right back and I liked that…it was hot coming from her.

Progress came in very slow steps. Well, maybe not steps…maybe nervous/calculated shuffles.

Shuffle 1: Hanging out without Amy around

Shuffle 2: She would start to sit closer to me.

Shuffle 3: I'd inch me fingers closer to hers so that my pinky was touching hers.

Shuffle 4: She'd link her arm with mine *side note Amy would be around and would then link hers with my free arm= less scary

Shuffle 5: I surprised myself one day when we were alone and I put my hand in hers

Shuffle 6: I rested my head on her lap while she played with my hair watching television.

These "shuffles" were very spread out over the past year.

When things started to seem more flirty than just friendly, Karma wanted to talk about it and I avoided those talks like the plague. I mean obviously, otherwise we wouldn't be in this current position.

"I wish I could give you a specific date and time. I'm trying to…I don't know come to terms with everything. Trust me when I say it's taking way longer than I'd like to. It's a war in here," I say making a circle around my head and my chest.

"I know, Lauren. I can see you exhausting yourself over it. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you open up to Rory? Maybe talking to someone (who isn't me) who can in some ways relate will help you."

"I was thinking the same thing."

 **Karma**

Sometimes trying to be with Lauren is just so frustrating. Not in a 'I want to give up' kind of way, more like 'I just want to know how her lips feel against mine' and knowing that that won't happen for a while kind of way. I daydream about it all the time. I really thought that it was going to happen tonight. We were so close. I could feel her nervous breath on my lips. But of course we were interrupted. I guess it was for the best. Lauren isn't ready. It would just be a mess if she was rushed into something that she wasn't ready for. All in all, there was still progress made tonight. We both finally said how much we like each other…out loud. Lauren covered her eyes but progress is progress. No matter how small, I'll take what I can get.

After I mentioned that Lauren should talk to Rory, Amy walked in.

"Hey what're you two up to? I could really use a distraction. Maybe we could watch a movie or something?"

It has been about an hour since I left Amy at the bridge. I wonder what she ended up doing when I left and I wanted to ask but I thought better of it. If she wants a distraction I'm happy to oblige for now.

"What're you in the mood for?" I ask.

"Anything comedy," she says.

I set up our Netflix account and hand her the remote when I get to the comedy section.

"I'm going to make some popcorn," Lauren says.

I look over at her and I instantly feel like I need to comfort her. "I'll come with," I add and follow her to the small kitchen area.

"Afraid I'll burn it again?" Lauren asks jokingly as she puts a popcorn bag into the microwave.

"Maybe," I laugh, "It does concern me how long you leave it in there."

"It's hard to judge! I never know how many minutes to put it in for and sometimes I think it's done but then the kernels just keep popping!"

"Sweetie…there's a popcorn button on this one…it senses when the bag is fully popped. Takes away all the guess work."

"Well someone should have told me that!"

"Consider yourself informed," I say with a small smile. I reach to touch her hand that's on the counter and lightly tap my fingers, testing the waters while I watch her facial reactions, "we're ok, right?" I ask with my eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, we're ok," she replies with a hint of a smile. I'm more reassured though when she opens up her palm and links her pinky with mine. It was our thing. Our small allowance of intimacy in it's purest form.

I want to link the rest of our fingers together and lead her back to the couch once the popcorn is ready but I don't want to push it so I move my hand away.

Lauren tilts her head slightly like she's confused and she takes my hand and squeezes. "I like you," she whispers and takes off with the popcorn bowl.

A smile spreads across my face and I shake my head. She's too adorable sometimes.

I make my way over to the couch and notice that Lauren had placed the bowl in front of Amy which basically means that I probably won't be getting any popcorn tonight. I sit down on my usual end of the couch above Amy who is laid out on the ground. Lauren scoots closer to me so that our shoulders are touching. I can feel her looking at me like she always does when she thinks I don't notice. I can almost hear her mind at work trying to figure something out. I never know exactly what it is but I take an educated guess that she's trying to work out why she's so hesitant about us.

Nobody says a word through the whole movie. Sure we laugh when we're supposed to but nothing else. We're all on the same page when it comes to interruptions during movies. This is probably why Amy wanted to watch one. She doesn't want us to question her about Rory or Beth or well…me I guess though I'm sure we cleared that up nicely.

When the movie ends, Amy stands up and announces that she's going to bed.

"Ok but you're going to spill your guts tomorrow," Lauren says in her authoritative tone and Amy rolls her eyes.

"How come we never talk about your crush, Lauren?" Amy whines.

Lauren immediately turns red and looks trapped.

"OoOo so you do have a crush don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be so red! That's so funny because Karma has a crush she won't tell me about either!"

Now I was red. Lauren didn't know I had told Amy I had a crush. Lauren flashed a look at me.

"Oh you didn't know either? I changed my mind there's no way Im going to bed now this just keeps getting better. Wouldn't it be funny if you both had a crush on the same person? It would be like my situation. Actually maybe funny isn't the right word."

She just stands there staring at us waiting for either of us to say something…anything. But we don't.

"Why are you two being so weird? It's just me. What're you afraid of? We're all friends here it's a safe space," she half-heartedly laughs but she also looks concerned like she's preparing herself for something.

"I know karma has a crush on someone," Lauren says and my eyes dart to hers. What was she doing? I wish I could read her thoughts. Communicate with her so that we were on the same page. I thought we were. You know the one where we weren't saying anything to Amy about us. But…I don't know she's surprising me that she's even speaking.

"Oh," Amy says looking a little deflated.

Lately I think she feels a little left out and I hate that.

"How about we all just go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning?"

"No, no," Amy says, "I think we all need to talk. We used to never keep anything from each other. What happened? Why the sudden change. They're just crushes why keep them hidden? It kind of hurts that I'm always forced to talk yet here you two are being all secretive."

I can see Lauren almost breaking down. Amy was the most important person in her life and I know it has always bothered her that she felt like she couldn't tell her about us. Her heel was rapidly tapping on the ground as her nervous tick kicked in.

"Amy, I really don't think now is the time," I say.

I look back over to Lauren and I can see the start of tears forming.

"Why not?" she asks.

I think she's getting so blinded by hurt that she's not even noticing Lauren.

"Because I like Karma. Karma is my crush," Lauren says almost inaudibly. Saying that opened the flood gates and tears start falling from her eyes.

My eyebrows shoot up with shock and then I feel Lauren's head fall onto my shoulder and her face turn into my chest as the tears start staining my shirt. I instinctively wrap my arm around her to try to comfort her at least a little.

Amy's expression is unreadable. "What…what'd she just say?"

I just look at her and take a deep breath. I didn't answer her. There was no need to. She knew what Lauren had said.

"And what you have a crush on her too?"

I really want to avoid this getting out of control.

"Yes," I say.

Amy starts pacing. In many ways, Amy and Lauren handle things almost identically. So having them both be in an emotional state is… a lot to handle.

I can still hear Lauren sniffling against me.

"Amy? What're you thinking? Lauren and I…it's complicated. Nothing was going to happen until we told you. And Lauren wasn't or isn't ready to be open to herself about the idea of being with a girl in general. Nothing has happened. We just really care about each other."

She doesn't stop pacing, "you want to know what I'm thinking?" she laughs, "I'm thinking I literally just told you that I had a crush on you in high school. And you knew that. You _knew_. And Im guessing that means Lauren knew too? And now you're telling me what? That I wanted you but you'd rather have my _sister_? Exactly how long has this been a thing?"

I look down. I have to try and calm both of them down. Once they relax this conversation will go a lot smoother.

"Amy please sit down?"

"Please answer the question," she fires back.

Lauren pushes up off of me. Her tear streaked face breaks my heart.

"It's been about a year," Lauren says, "Amy please don't be mad. We were going to tell you once I came to terms with everything I swear."

At the sight of Lauren, Amy paused. "You could've come to me, Lauren. You can always talk to me. Especially about liking girls. I could go on and on," she says trying to get Lauren to smile. "I thought you knew that."

"I don't know…this just seemed…forbidden. In the beginning I felt like if I told you, you'd think I was coming between you and Karma and I didn't want that. Those weren't my intentions. I didn't even know what was happening. But you're not mad?"

Amy takes a moment to collect herself. Finally we seemed to be all in a calm place where we could rationally talk about this. She let's out a breath, "I'm not mad. Just a little hurt I guess. I also feel kind of stupid for not noticing."

"There wasn't much for you to notice that something was happening. Like we said, nothing was going to happen until you knew and were ok with it and for what it's worth…until I'm ok with it."


	15. Chapter 15

**ok I know it's been a while but I've been missing this story lately and it seems like at least a few people are still reading so I decided to update. It's kind of short compared to the other chapters because im testing the waters but if I post more they'll be longer I promise. As always, let me know what you think, I might be a tad rusty with this story so feedback is appreciated.**

 **Rory**

It's the end of class and I got a message from Lauren asking to meet up with her back at her dorm. So I gather my things and start to make my way towards her building. While I'm walking I feel a tap on my shoulder and I swivel my head to my right. A huge smile spreads across my face when I see that it's Amy. She doesn't look that happy though. Not mad or sad but maybe tired.

"Hey Amy what's up?"

Amy sighs and falls into step with me. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes."

"Of course. I was actually headed to your dorm because Lauren wants to talk to me. We could all talk there?"

Amy rolled her eyes and pulled me to a stop next to a bench that was along the path. We both sat down and she said,

"that's actually what I want to talk to you about. I'm a little upset with Lauren and Karma right now. I'm not mad I just...it's a lot. I mean I can't be mad, right? Lauren's my sister and Karma's my best friend and they have all the best intentions and yet I just can't get over it, you know? A whole year this has been going on and I had no idea. I guess it just hurts. I wish one of them talked to me like they always force me to do. Yeah I still would've been upset but I'd deal with it. The worst part is that I know how much Lauren is struggling with this and I mean she has other things on her mind which I just can't even imagine. And,"

I cut her off. "Amy, honey, slow down. So you're talking about Lauren and Karma being together?"

"You knew?" Amy has more hurt showing on her face.

"I had suspicions but they didn't directly tell me until I walked in on a moment the other day. For what it's worth, they weren't ready for that moment."

"Why couldn't they just tell me without me forcing it out of them? I told them I'm not mad and in the end I was just so worried about Lauren I didn't want her to worry about me being mad. There's just too much for her to deal with. But I am hurt. It's similar to your situation with Beth I guess."

I shift in my seat and look the other way. In some ways Beth is always going to get to me. The pain from the way she used me is always going to be there.

"Except Karma didn't use you, right?"

"No, she tried to be careful of my feelings and ignored it as if she didn't know I liked her."

"Right well, maybe she didn't fully do it right but she had good intentions."

"Exactly that's what I'm saying. That's why it's hard to be mad. I just can't. I know they're not trying to hurt me. It's the opposite. They're doing everything they can to not hurt me. It's just taking me more time to fully accept it."

I put my arm around Amy and squeeze.

"I think you'll have plenty of time to adjust if that's what you're mostly worried about. They're not ready to be together. It's all very innocent right now. They haven't even kissed. Lauren needs time. She's scared."

"Yeah I know."

I rub my hand along Amy's arm and then stand up.

"Ok well I better get to Lauren since I had already told her I was on my way."

Amy nodded and I turned to continue towards Lauren.

Lauren

I'm sitting on my bed against the wall cradling my legs in my arms. I'm about to talk to Rory. She's on her way here and I'm going to tell her everything. Besides my parents, only Amy knows everything about me. Well, now she does. Karma is just missing one thing. It's a big thing though and I'm terrified of it.

I invited Rory over because I knew Karma was in class and I didn't want her to hear on accident. I'm not sure why I want to talk to Rory specifically. I think she has just opened up so much to me that I suppose it's only fair. I also feel close to her and I trust her. Something about her presence comforts me though I can't put my finger on what it is exactly.

I hear a knock at my door.

"Come in." I let my legs fall to the floor and I wait for Rory to walk in.

"Hey Lauren. Is everything ok?"

"I thought maybe we could talk. I've had a rough week I just thought maybe I could open up to you?"

Rory smiled and plopped down on the bed next to me.

"We'll it's about damn time. I'm all ears."

I chuckled but then just looked down at my hands and started playing with my fingers, linking them together and then pulling them apart.

Rory put her hand ontop of mine. "It's ok, Lauren you can tell me. So you and Karma huh?"

I sighed, shut my eyes then opened them slowly as I let out a breath.

"I mean yeah but that wasn't what I brought you here for. Well I suppose it is but not fully."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

I pulled my legs back up onto the bed and squeezed them under me. It made me just the right amount of uncomfortable that I felt grounded, if that makes any sense. I don't know, for me it just works, helps me to focus.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Ok so I'm a little different."

Rory furrowed her brows but she didn't say anything so I continued.

"I was born intersex."

Rory's face seemed to relax.

"Oh. Ok so what does that mean for you?"

"I have CAIS which is Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. Basically, I have all the female parts but I don't produce any estrogen. I was born with male chromosomes so I have to take pills to put estrogen into my body."

Rory nodded her head and seemed to be taking in what I said, trying to handle the information with care.

"Does anyone else know?"

I bit my lip. "Only Amy."

"Karma doesn't know?"

I started to pick at a loose thread in my sweats and shook my head.

"Ok is that what you're worried about? How she'll react?"

I nodded my head and felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"I've come to terms with it myself and that's why Amy knows but it just seems like a completely different scenario to tell Karma. She looks at me very differently than Amy looks at me."

Rory scooted closer to me and put her legs up on the bed in a criss-crossed position to face me.

"Karma really cares about you. Do you think she's going to react badly?"

I thought about it for a moment. That was the thing, I wasn't sure. I like to think that it wouldn't matter but I don't think I can just expect that from someone.

"I hope not. There's more to think about with Karma because there's future things that I just can't give her, you know? So, what if she does react badly? What if that makes her change her mind?"

Rory's face was full of concern.

"I can't really say. There's no promises but I really don't think that she would want to be with you any less. It doesn't change who you are. You'll still be the same sassy Lauren who she fell for."

She tried for a smile and I returned a small one.

"Thank you. I'm not sure when I'm going to tell her, I just needed to get it out to another person who wasn't as biased as Amy but still knew both of us enough."

"Of course. You can talk to me about anything. Or I could just continue to ramble on about my life which I know you love. The mess that is my life can be entertaining from an outside perspective I suppose."

"It's not entertaining, I listen because I like to help if I can."

"I appreciate that. Maybe I should get going, give you some space to think? If there's anything you need or if you just want to talk don't hesitate to text me."

Rory stood up and I followed and before I could process what I was doing I pulled her into a tight hug. I got up on the tips of my toes and basically whimpered a thank you. She rubbed my back and then backed out of my room with a smile, closing the door behind her.

I felt like a large amount of weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, there was still a lot weighing me down but I did feel lighter. Now I just have to figure out what the best way to talk about it with Karma will be.


End file.
